


Written In the Water

by TannerWuuut



Category: The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Clexa, Cutting, Depression, Drug Cartel, F/F, G!p Lexa, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Multi, Omega Clarke, PTSD Clarke, Sex Trafficking, Suicidal Thoughts, based on real experiences, depression and anxiety, fluff and eventual smut, high schoolish, trigedalseng
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-07-11 13:39:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 19
Words: 34,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7054033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TannerWuuut/pseuds/TannerWuuut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lured and trapped in the world of money, greed, and sex, Clarke is scrambling from day to day events with just her fingertips clutching her mental and emotional state. Bring in an Alpha behind compare, and you got her fighting for them as well.</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>Clarke is thrown into sex trafficking and staying in school when Lexa wants nothing more than to mate her. To mate or to die, that's all it comes down too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'll be fine if I met you before

The orange cast from the setting sun blurred my vision as I rolled onto my back, the subtle throbbing in my head presided over all my senses as I started coming too. I felt a groan escape me as I tried to sit up, pain shooting down my body from a tender spot on the back of my head.

“You’re awake. Just in time too, I had just asked Jase here to go fetch some cold water. Get up.” My heart fluttered at the person speaking, it was someone I thought I would never see again. Tears sprung to my eyes as I heard their words repeat over in my head ‘Get up.’ my fluttering heart jumped into my throat, making shudders vibrate my chest as I slowly sat up; fully ignoring the pain that protested every movement, just as she taught me to do all those years ago.

“Good girl,” I heard the smile in her voice before actually seeing it, “Now, Clarke, baby. We have a problem with you. We just can’t seem to let you go, it’s not that you are worth something, dime a dozen people like you. But you know too much. Way too much for our liking.” I sat cross legged, my right knee protesting profusely. I stared at her feet, ignoring my surroundings, her teachings coming back tenfold and almost like second nature.

The fear I felt coursing through my body was horrendous, I was sure that they could smell it. My anxiety had my jaws watering, making me constantly swallow down the bile that came up. Footsteps sounded behind me as I sat straighter, a warning growl stopped my breathing, all the Alpha pheromones around me were flooding my senses and making me weak.

I heard cursing, someone struggling against someone else. I kept my eyes on her feet as she stepped closer to me. The quiet gasp of my name broke my trance and I looked to my left and saw her.

“Lexa!” I tried to stand but was shoved back down by the alpha behind me as something cold bumped into my right temple. Gun. I swallowed lightly and let myself get pressed further down by the barrel. I reached out to her, getting hit lightly in the back from him.

“Don’t move, I don’t want to hurt you.” His gruff voice stopped my shivering for a brief second. I glanced back at Lexa and saw her 

“Clarke! I’m okay! Just… don’t move…” I saw and heard the fear in her voice and eyes, she kept glancing between me and whatever was pressed to the side of my head. I smelled the gunpowder, felt the barrel pressed to my hair tentatively, and felt his resistance as he kept me down.

A sigh met my ears as cold fingers gently gripped my jaw and turned my head to them. I immediately looked down and locked my jaw. Her sweet breath washed over me and a cold chill snuck up my back. I felt the need to submit to her right away, but that passed the second she chuckled lowly.

“You remember. You still fear me,” the laugh that sounded next had me flinching away from her. “You see, Clarke, we know you told this charming woman over there all about your past. Except,” a long elegant finger scratched my chin lightly, forcing eye contact, “you painted us as the bad guys. I’m sure she would love to know that all it took was a quick orgasm and some love bites to get you to work.”

The dark blue eyes bored into mine, feigning humor. Malice lurked behind the fake emotions, making me shiver with fear.

I saw movement to my left just as a loud thud happened, I quickly looked and saw Lexa was now face down in the dirt with a large man’s foot on her back.

Yanking my chin away from her grip, “Don’t hurt her!” my voice scared me, the fear in it made it shaky, I ended up shrinking back into a pair legs behind me but kept my eyes glued to the scene.

“I’m fine, Clarke! Be-” the man swiped the butt of his rifle against her head. He was now kneeling on top of her, his hand gripping her long braided hair as he forced her head up before slamming her face back into the ground. Fear and anger mixed in me as I was forced to stay still. The guard tensing behind me, ready to stop me the second I made a move. And her, Niylah, in front me with a shit eating grin on her lips.

Worry finally was added to my mixed emotions and I couldn’t stop myself as I wailed in Niylah’s face. “Don’t! Please! Niylah, I’m sorry I didn’t know what else to DO! STOP HURTING HER!” My eyes never left Lexa’s body, the man kept roughing her up making her grunt in pain.

Cold fingers gripped my chin and jerked my head forward. “Look Clarke, you have a choice. It’s okay, love, stop crying. If you agree to it, she’ll be with you and safe. From harm. From pain. You just need to leave with us.” Tears streamed down my face, hot and prickly down my cold cheeks. I tried to look away from her but her gaze penetrated mine, making me submit fully.

“Ontari, bring the car round. I do believe we have a couple of takers.” She stood and brushed off her pant legs with a smirk. I dropped my head, guilt and disgust covering me.

I felt the man behind me loosen his grip on his gun, dropping it to his side. I looked at Lexa, seeing her huff as they forced her to her knees as Niylah walked over to her for examination. “She’s pretty, wait until the injuries heal and do a little cosmetic surgery around the eyes, and I think we’ll have a top seller.”

The words rung in my ears, they were planning on selling her. Just like me.

I threw my elbow back into the man behind me, dropping him to his knees with a blow to the groin area. I grabbed his gun and somersaulted to my right more. Stumbling to a wobbly stance on one knee, I aimed the gun at Niylah, applying just enough pressure to the trigger for it to go off the second I was shot. I glared at her down the barrel, her smirk still in place.

“Would you really shoot me? Your Alpha?” I felt my resolve waver as I kept eye contact with her.

I started hyperventilating as I slowly dropped the aim. Niylah chuckled deeply, getting the guards to laugh with her as well. “My little Omega is still the same. Her love runs deep for me.”

I caught Lexa’s gaze, new tears flowing down my face. “I love you and I’m sorry.” her brow furrowed as I said the words, confusion slid down her face as I aimed the gun at her. Everything went quiet around us.

I felt myself shaking as I stared down the barrel at her face, the face that brought happiness and love back into my life. The face that squinted when something spontaneous happened. The face that gave me encouragement every time I wanted to do something out of my comfort zone.

I started screaming when I felt myself freeze looking at her. The gun shook, its weight getting to be too much for me the longer I held it. I shifted positions and heard gasps all around me.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I let out a final scream, clenching my fingers all together.

The light that happened was blinding.


	2. I can't live with this lie

Her amused gray green eyes held mine, just as her strong warm hands gripped mine tightly. I heard her breathe through her nose, eyes squinting as she finally broke character and playfully punched my shoulder.

“Some stoic Alpha you are, Lex.” I rubbed the place she hit, a dull throb had started. She threw her head back with a full bellied laugh, stepping away from me without an apology.

“I have my moments, hodnes.” Reaching for my hand, she laced our fingers and started to lead us to our seats, the exercise was done in her eyes. She pulled my chair out for me and dramatically bowed. I pushed her away and sat down, not wanting to indulge in her games. Because by doing so, would only bring more antics and more sappiness from her. One does not encourage Lexa and her sappiness.

My gaze landed on the teacher making rounds to the other pairs of students, roughly encouraging them to hold the poses they chose with their partners. My nose twitched as I saw the Alphas willingly obey the Beta. Only in a classroom would that ever be acceptable.

Fingers tapped their way up my arm, fighting for my attention as I continued to stare out at our class. “Lex, c’mon. We should try and finish the exercises. We have like, twenty minutes left of this then it’s lunch.”

The fingers pinched the material of my shirt and pulled lightly. “Exactly why I can’t focus right now, Klark. I’m...starving.” hot breath raised goose bumps on my neck and down my back, a racing shudder made me take a sharp breath. Her lips were hovering over my skin, her hands finding their way across my belly and waist to rest comfortably on my hip. Leaning into her, I slowly exposed more of my neck for her, almost completely submitting to her before she giggled and nipped at my hair and jumped away just as the teacher briskly walked up to us.

“I will not be having this kind of fornication during class. Leksa, please pair up with Artigas. Griffin go with Raven.” her voice sharp but her gaze solely on Lexa. Most Betas know not to try and control Alphas, it being mainly impossible, but that kind of challenge didn’t go well with strong Alphas. But I’m assuming ten plus years working with growing kids gives you that kind of power, even for a Beta like Indra.

Startled I jumped and quickly and clumsily made my way to my best friend. I edged my way past the teacher, keeping my eyes down and temper in check. “She’s not even my Alpha.” I muttered as I got closer to Raven, who wore a shit eating grin during the entire exchange.

“As an unmated Omega, anyone and everyone is your Alpha. Stay behind after class, I would like to speak privately with you.” Her voice was softer now, as if my status and being mateless concerned her. Bowing my head slowly, I tried my best to hide my anger.

Raven clicked her tongue at me as I approached her. “Seriously, Griff. You should’ve paired up with me in the beginning of class if you wanted to stare into my beautiful browns. You didn’t have to make a scene.”

Sticking my tongue out a her before letting out a teasing growl, I grabbed her hands and squeezed harshly. Tensing her jaw, I saw her acceptance of the challenge. She bared her teeth and pulled roughly, forcing me to stumble into her. Arms wrapping around me, she held tightly as she started leaning backward.

“And sugar we’re goin down, swinging!” Her voice went higher as we fell.

“Reyes! Griffin! Out to the hall!” Indra’s voice carried above the laughs of our classmates, I struggled in her grip, trying to twist my way out. Stumbling to my feet, fighting Raven as she tried to hold me to her chest.

“It wasn’t my-”

“Hall, I said!” Cut off with the power of her voice, I flinched away and stood straight.

Raven’s laugh blended with the others as I caught the piercing gaze of a very angry Alpha. Everything became louder as I stared back at her, my gaze unwavering even though the need to show my neck was almost overwhelming. I swear I could hear Lexa growling from across the room. Artigas stood several feet away from her, eyes nervous and glancing between the both of us.

I was in more trouble than I thought. She’s not even my Alpha.

=

“Really, Griff. Calm your shit. It’s not that bad, I’ll take the wrath for us.”

I paced along the row of lockers outside the classroom, counting the seconds go by as class came to a close. “It’s your fault anyway.” I growled at her slouching form. She shrugged nonchalantly, not taking my anger seriously.

“You want Lexa Woods as your Alpha.” I groaned as I realized the grin in her words was a cocky smirk. I leaned against the lockers and stared down at her lounging figure.

“Rae, please. Even if I had a chance to be with her like that, who says she’d take me?” I slowly slid down to the floor, my bum hitting it with a light bounce.

Raven chuckled as she rolled onto her stomach and looked down the hallway, trying to act pensive and thoughtful but was physically biting her tongue on her words. “You have a chance, you already have her wrapped around your finger.” She held up her hand and flexed her pinky. “But, you keep holding back. Like, what is up with you not bagging that?”

Tugging my knees closer to me, I felt the breath get taken from me as I tried to answer her. My anxiety and depression aren’t always prominent, because I distract myself so well at times and pretend that everything is fine and it is, at those times, if I don’t let the walls of pretend crumble, I can act like everyone around me. Blissfully unaware of what evil and darkness that lurk in the broad daylight.

Sucking my lip between my teeth, I looked everywhere but at Raven. She had sat up and was staring intently at me, waiting for me to answer. But her heavy stare made everything I was repressing to unleash.

Everything blurred and my eyes stung as the hot tears started pouring down my face, a choked sob stuck in my throat as I clawed at my jeans. The pain in my chest was overwhelming. Sounds were muffled, I barely heard Raven yell for Indra as she took me in her arms. The need to flee hit me and I scrambled away from Raven, my mind switching her sweet scent to that of the man from last night, his large hands forcing me into the wall as he assaulted my neck and chest. I didn't dare breathe as he ripped the clothes off my shuddering body. I was taught to go with the flow with the clients, pretend I liked it, encourage them to indulge in their fantasies unless asked otherwise. I was never to speak though, the guard by the door was to make sure the only thing coming out of my mouth were whimpers and moans.

His teeth latched onto my left breast and I let out a shriek. The sudden pain caught me off guard and I pushed him back. He stumbled a little, but smirked at me as he surged forward again. "You remind me of my daughter, she whores around too. I love it." A scream rose in my throat as disgust covered my body in a slimy feeling.

I felt hands grab my waist, securing me against the floor as their full weight settled on my legs. I blinked rapidly at my surroundings, finding the cold tile floor inches from my face as I struggled against someones hold, I threw my arm back, swinging full force and hitting something solid. Their weight disappeared and I scrambled to my feet and took off down the hall.

=

_Raven_

Clarke’s forearm connected with the right side of my face and I fell to the side, nursing the pain instantly. A growl rumbled in my chest as I stumbled to my knees. This was one of her more violent anxiety attacks and I happen to receive an injury. Usually it’s Octavia, but whatever.

Indra finally graced the hallway with her presence, as well as the rest of the class. I leaned heavily against the wall as my senses were clouded with the pain. I started seeing double.

I pointed harshly to my left, “She ran that way…” I tried to lead the way, but warm hands grabbed my shoulders. I snarled at the person, turning my head a little bit too fast for the injury that I just received. Anya stared down at me, worry and concern etched into her gaze. I waved her off and tried to stumble again. Little did I know, Indra had took off after Clarke along with Lexa, and had given Anya instructions to take me to Nyko and Abby.

“Stop fighting me, hodnes. I’m taking you to the infirmary.”

Pushing her hands off me, I slipped against the wall and staggered my way to my feet again. Everything was spinning and inverting. For an Omega, she’s fucking strong.

“Raven. Stop.” I felt her arms wrap around my waist and lift me up, moving to switch our position so she could carry me bridal style. My head lulled against her shoulder as I let the dizziness take over. I squeezed my eyes shut and forced the nausea down. “Your eye is swelling.”

“Fucking thanks for the update, cap.” Talking caused more nausea and I curled more into Anya.

I felt her chest rumble as a low chuckle danced into my ears.

“Wait...I’m gonna-” I flailed myself out of her arms as vomit raced up my throat.

=

_Clarke_

Arms wrapped around me, trapping me and making me lose my balance. I tried to shake them off of me, but the smell of a male Beta hit me and I stood still. Felt his strong heartbeat against my back, his hot breath hitting my neck as he leaned in close to me.

“Easy now, Princess. We don’t want you hurting yourself.” Finn. His voice raspy and low. I let myself go as I realized there were other people around. I felt him scoff as he adjusted his hold on me. “Nia wants to see you tonight.” Other guards walked up to us as he helped me stand upright. I shook off his hold and stumbled forward, my heart still racing from flashing images every time I closed my eyes.

If she sent Finn to get me, she wasn’t happy. She’s never happy with my performances. I don’t know how much I bring in from each client, but I do know that I’m in high demand. I know the amount of money brought in doesn’t matter as much as the satisfaction of each customer, the happier they are, the more they tell their rich friends.

So far half of the police force is in debt, they love living they’re fantasies. A couple people on the school board. A few teachers in other schools. Mainly the rich that live in the mansions and host parties every other week. I hate those parties. I’m forced to attend and go home after the silent auction that happens amongst the crowd.

“There ya go, Princess.” I didn’t have to look at him to know he was smirking at me. He felt as a Beta, he had control over me. He was the only Beta that I haven’t grabbed by the balls yet. But boy was he tempting me now.

=

The ride was short as we ended up at a small garage, Nia switches up her meeting places every week. Last week was the library. I can’t look at the place the same anymore. Week before that it was at a middle school.

Nia was everywhere.

Finn gripped my forearm and yanked out the door with him. Pulling me into his side; his other hand covering my eyes. As if I didn’t see where the hell we were in the first place. His grip tightened as I heard the doors open and some muffled cursing. My ears perked up at the sound, it was a man’s voice. I sniffed the air and his scent hit me in the gut.

Sinclair, Raven’s foster dad.

Bile rushed up my throat and I struggled against Finn’s hold. I heard grunts and shoes scuffing against the broken concrete. Then...her voice rang out.

“Get him out of here!” I shrank back into Finn’s hold as my jaws worked to keep the vomit down. “Finn, honey. You got here just in time.” The velvety voice caused shivers to run up and down my body, a cold sweat broke out on my forehead. “Klark. There have been some issues with your previous clients.

“I don’t like hearing from them about your behaviour behind closed doors. All this crying, flinching, and death staring. It needs to stop. Take her into the office, I have some phone calls I need to make.” the switch in her voice from reprimanding me to instructing another had my head reeling. She had no emotion whatsoever but the slightest incline in her tone was all that mattered to those she spoke with.

Finn’s hand still over my eyes, he dragged me to the left of where we were standing at a quick pace. I staggered along, feeling eyes rake over my body. I wore layers on the days I knew they would call for me, not wanting anyone but the client to judge my body at the time. Except for today. I felt naked without my leather jacket. I left it in my locker at school, running out because of the panic attack.

I feel worthless.

Finn grunted as he threw me into a wall, “You see, Princess. When Nia gets mad at one of her girls, I get nipped at as well. Her being angry is one thing, but me angry? Oh, princess. That’s a whole different story.” he kneeled in front of me as I slid down the wall, my hands barely catching me. The sharp pain in my wrists from the impact caused a small groan to escape.

Biting down, I tasted blood as it washed over my tongue. I glanced at him, not once caring about what he was saying.

He surged forward, grabbing my shoulders and pinning me against the wall. His snarl scared me, my back tensing at the sound, hands grabbing at whatever was nearby. My hand struck a cold bar and I grabbed at it quickly. It was heavy in my grip, probably a large wrench. I dragged it closer to me slowly, trying not to make it squeak against the floor. I kept the staring contest going as long as I could, before I realized Finn was slowly reaching between my thighs. His fingers twitching with excitement as they neared me.

I looked down pointedly, then back up at him as I growled, “You’re just a pup.” Grunting with exertion as I swung the bar toward his head, he jumped back and caught it easily in his right hand, but the surprise on his face told me he wasn’t expecting himself to do that either. Growling again as I kicked at him, aiming for the groin but striking his thigh. Disappointment struck me as he flung himself back more, knocking into the rolling chair with a grunt.

Two guards stormed in, quickly assessing the situation. Finn groaning in mock pain and me glaring heatedly at him, giving cause for one to immediately whack the side of my head with a baton, sending me flying into the desk. Pain was everywhere on my body as I layed sprawled out on the cold floor. The grease smell of the office keeping me conscious long enough to see them gently lift Finn onto the ragged couch. I scoffed as I spit out the blood that was pooling in my mouth. Of course Nia’s pup gets special treatment.

Nia strode in, after the whining Finn was doing got loud enough for her to hear. She glanced at him as he held his leg pathetically. When she turned her gaze to me, I wish I had been unconscious.

“I thought I told you idiots to not harm her anywhere that is visible! Look at this!” She quickly kneeled by me and roughly grabbed my chin, turning my head to the left as she examined and showed them what they had done, she was only worried about my body being unpresentable, I was damaged goods right now and she hated it. The throbbing the wound was doing was making everything blur. She lifted me to a sitting position and turned my head to examine the wound better. A low growl rumbled the air around her and I; her glare set on the throbbing area near my right temple. I slumped against the wall as she studied and dabbed the bleeding cut. I was just a body to her, something that earned her money.

A heavy sigh silenced everyone's murmuring, “Get her bandaged up and sent back to school. She still has her last class to attend. She's not going out with clients anytime soon.” Standing she glared at Finn and snarled, “These girls are not your personal toys. They have value to your alpha. You're off for the next month. Niylah will take care of your charges.”

Niylah. Anger brewed inside me as memories cascaded down onto me.

==

_I stayed close to the lockers as everyone scrambled for their next class. I had training so I had to go to the complete opposite side of the school and to the recreation building. I held my books tightly to my chest as my left arm rhythmically bumped into handles and locks. Alphas sneered at me as I mumbled at half assed apologies, they're pheromones colliding with my nose._

_A particular sharp shoulder bumped mine and my books went flying. Typical accident to happen to a freshman first week of school._

_I groaned as I bent down to gather the books and gym bag, just as a pair of hands grabbed the same objects. “Thanks but I got it.” My voice came out with more of a bite than I intended as I got a look at the person helping me. Her alpha scent smacking me in the face. She had braided gold brown hair that covered the side of her face that faced me. I immediately felt a pull to her as I breathed in more of her scent. She turned to me with a slight smile as she handed my stuff to me._

_Her eyes scared me, and I think that's when I fell in love._

_“I'm sorry about that, I wasn't watching where I was going...I'm Niylah.” She stood, bringing me with her. I probably looked like an idiot staring at her but I couldn't overcome the need to submit._

_“Um...Clarke.” I felt like this entire interaction was out of some gross sappy high schooler movie. To have it happen to me though, anything but sappy._

_I saw her sniff lightly as her eyes narrowed. Her honey colored eyes that held my attention better than art could. The gently swoop of her hair was something a master painter could create. The strong line of her draw sharper than any charcoal pencil could create. The slight upturn of her lips, creating a smile brighter than any star. Any sun. And it was directed at me._

_The bell sounded, four soft bings, and our illusion was shattered. Rather mine was as she giggled and handed me my stuff and took off for a room down the hall. I don't know how long I stood there before a teacher asked me what class I was supposed to be in. I couldn't get her out of my mind as I walked in a daze to gym then lunch. Her scent clinging to the inside of my nose. Her eyes burned into my mind. I found the alpha books and couples talked about. You know your alpha when you see them, smell them, feel them, a simple gaze and you know._

_But she was going to destroy everything that was me. And I would love her still._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Hope its getting better :)


	3. Born By The Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lil clexa moment <3 and some violence, I really should like notify y'all of that for triggers and shit. I triggered myself writing this haha go me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I have a vague idea of where this is going, and I find it's easier to write it when I don't want too lol but updating is going to be all over the place just like my life, lemme know how to is and if anyone wants to beta the shit outta this, I'm open for requests. 
> 
> Enjoy! :D

The blur from the garage to school, then to Nyko, and home had me stunned. My bed was cold as I trudged and fell into it. My head throbbed harshly at every blink. My body screaming at every movement. I was a mess and people believed the words that came rolling off my tongue like a planned speech. Which is exactly what it was.

 

The ceiling was twisting with swirls and odd shapes, my eyes trying to track one trail before another floated into my view. I growled softly as I closed my eyes and pulled a pillow over my head.

 

One of the guards that took me back to school, Wick, gave me a cover for the gash on the side of my head. It was barely past my hairline which was helpful. The clean slice would be hard to explain if visible. But he easily and sloppily bandaged me up, trying to say that if it was a better bandage, rather than the two generic bandaids and some tape, it would be more suspicious.

 

I spewed his story, verbatim, to Indra and Nyko. They believed it right away, my stuttering and omega behavior giving them all they need to properly fix it.

 

“I was having an anxiety attack and I didn't know where I uh was going. I ended up not too far off B lot where I kind of sorta tripped over a parking stump and into the snow. I guess some rocks were hidden in the pile I landed. Am I still bleeding? I feel like I am?”

 

And that's exactly where they found me, in a secluded corner of B parking lot, huddled into myself. I feigned the shivering, but I was cold to begin with. Seeing Nia was more than I could handle today.

 

“Clarke? Honey? I have some aspirin for you. And Lexa.”

 

My mother's voice sounded hesitant as she peeked into my room. Flinging out an arm as a gesture to come in I rolled to face the wall, pulling the pillow closer to my face.

 

The clink of a glass and plastic bottle sounded close to me as tentative footsteps moved to stand at the foot of my bed. I heard mumbled thanks and questions thrown around, but the throbbing was now winning and my usual heightened senses were dulled to that of a human.

 

“I got your stuff. From class…” Her voice sent shudders down my body, renewing the aches and pains. I cuddled the pillow closer to me as I choked back a sob. I tried so hard to hold the tears in for night, for sleep, but having her in my presence broke me down more. I breathed in a strangled gulp of air as I curled more into myself, ignoring the protests of my legs and arms.

 

The sound of shoes being slipped off and a jacket tossed somewhere in my room made me tense up. A gentle touch to my hip had me holding my breath, a soft exhale sent my heart into a frenzy, the bed dipping to accommodate the new weight had my eyes open. The warmth that emitted from her had my mind scrambled.

 

She buried her nose in my hair, inhaling deeply as she wrapped me in her arms.

 

When her lips touched my skin, I fell over the edge of control and into a crying fit. Sobs tore out of my throat as I tried to escape her grasp, my fingers sliding down smooth skin as I tried to push her away, strong hands scooped me up and into her lap as hot tears left trails down my flushed cheeks. My forehead met heated skin, my fingers grasped a thin shirt, my teeth bit the inside of my cheeks, and a gentle purr vibrated my nose. I felt so weak in her arms, everything I was taught about love being a weakness fell away the second she appeared.

 

I gasped as I tried to slow my tears, my breathing was shallow and quick, nearing hyperventilation. She shushed me softly, leaning away to press her forehead against mine as she moved us to lay down. Her weight in top of me wasn't helping, “Klark, it's okay. Just breathe with me. C’mon breathe with me.” She took a slow deep breath that I tried to follow but failed. The sudden realization of the consequences of failing her hit me and pushed me closer to hysteria.

 

“It's okay, Klark. Beja. Breathe with me.” I pushed against her chest feebly as I felt the tear trails turn cold. I wanted out from under her but I wanted her closer. I couldn't tell anymore if I was pushing it pulling her closer to me.

 

“I...I-I sorry, lex.” The words felt wrong coming from my groggy throat, scratching my tongue as they left.

 

“Nothing to be sorry for, now breathe, beja. You're going to pass out if you don't regulate your breathing.” A weird giggle sounded from me, almost as if it was strangled out of me. Her fingers grazed my arms over and over, a soothing pattern but the urge to scream was growing at each pass.

 

She is not meant to be a comfort, but a target.

 

=

 

I felt myself falling the second I closed my eyes, the feeling of the bed had disappeared and fear seized my body and my heart started frantically racing in my chest.

 

The sensation shook me awake to an empty bed and a dark room. A single candle was lit by the windowsill, the room perfumed from its melon scent. The deep breath I took of it seemed to calm my racing heart by a fraction. But the empty space beside me counteracted it by picking up the pace as soon as I sat up and looked around for Lexa or her stuff.

 

Her boots were still in the same place, her jacket carelessly tossed onto my art stool. Relief flooded me and I fell back onto the bed. Air finally seeming to make its way into my lungs. A film of sweat covered my forehead from the erratic heartbeat, but I couldn’t care less knowing Lexa was still in my home.

 

I rolled to my side and cuddled the pillow that smelled the most like her. Her alpha scent sticking to the inside of my nose and warming the pit that was my stomach. Nuzzling the object more, I curled into it, trapping the end of it between my knees. Clawing turned to desperate clutching which ended up me breaking down into tears again. The sobs this time were soft and longing. Not the hysterical breakdown that ensued before falling asleep pressed against her. Not the reminder that hung over what Lexa was meant to mean to me. To Nia.

 

A choked sob got caught in my throat as I released the pillow. Nia’s words repeating in my head, the words vibrating my ears the more they repeated, her unbearably smooth voice as she, casually yet demanding, said the words into the speaker.

 

_“She is not meant to comfort you. I need a strong Alpha for the clients.”_

 

Scoffing, “For the clients. It's always for…” My voice was rough, scraping my already raw throat as I deliriously repeated her words.

 

They didn’t know her name, thank god, just her scent. But that was enough for any one of the trackers to easily find her. Even the lousy ones. But they seemed to trust me to get her to submit to the business.

 

How can an Omega make an Alpha submit?

 

I flung myself to the wall as the door opened and a tall silhouette entered. Their back was to me as they carefully brought in a tray. The scent of food hit me and my stomach growled loudly, eliciting a small chuckle that only Lexa could do. She placed the tray on the small side table next to my bed and sat carefully down on the edge of the bed, her hands held out in show of peace. I carefully looked from the tray, to her legs, one folded underneath her, to her crinkled shirt with a daring neckline, and then the suntanned skin of her neck.

 

And her lips, curved into a small smile as she watched me be apprehensive of her. No pheromones emitted her, just her own scent that drove my omega side crazy in lust for.

 

“Am I okay?” Her low raspy question made me flinch more into the wall, why the hell was I wary of her? Because I'm not allowed to get attached to targets.

 

How the hell does Niylah and Finn do this? How the hell did I fall for it? I'm not strong enough to bring her into this world of rape and torture for profit. I'm not allowing her to be what I am.

 

I dropped my eyes to my lap as I showed my neck slowly, jaws tightening as I submitted to her.

 

“No, Clarke. Don’t. Please.” Swiftly, she was on her knees beside my bed, her voice was pitched higher as she looked anywhere but me. Confusion slid over me as pain hit my midsection.

 

A low whine rumbled in my chest, but I quickly covered that up as I cleared my throat. I brought my knees to my chest, biting myself as I tried to reign in my emotions from the rejection. Worry and sorrow quickly replaced the relief from submitting, pain growing  stronger and spreading throughout my body.

 

“Not like this. God I want you. I just…” Her sharp intake of breath had me glancing at her. Fingers clenching the edge of my bed, head bowed. The bed trembled slightly as she shook with restraint.

 

I felt the anger growing in her the longer she stayed kneeling beside me. An idea popped into mind, and I forced myself to relax. “Was...that you officially telling me you...like me?” I tilted my head a little, a smile finding its way onto my lips.

  
=

 

Fingers trailed up my forearm, softly asking for my attention. I blinked rapidly, my eyes burning from the lack of blinking. Ceilings are a trigger for me. I should know better.

 

“I asked Raven to come over, I have morning practice with Anya.” Right, of course. She would have to leave me. I turned to my side and glared at her. Feigning anger, I sighed and watched her as she stood and started gathering her things when the front door opened and Raven called her presence up to us.

 

“But first I want food! Abby!” Laughter wafted up the staircase as a result of her yelling around.

 

“Thank you, I didn’t mean to lose it earlier, I just have a lot going on and I can’t get my moods under control.”

 

Suddenly, Lexa turned into the Commander. Her eyes steeled and her back went rigid. I sat up and tapped my toes lightly on the floor, keeping my eyes on a object as I felt her kneel beside me again. Her fingers, cold and shaking, ghosted over my knuckles and fingers as she gently grabbed my hand and brought it up to her lips. The kiss was warm despite her freezing hands.

 

“I’ll be here anytime to ground you, if you’ll have me.” The hollowness in her voice reminded me that she was all too oblivious to my abusers. All too oblivious to the crimes acted against me and my body.

 

Completely oblivious that another Alpha was slowly staking claim on me.

 

I huffed out the breath I was holding and glanced at her, a small smile on my lips. I frowned at our intertwined fingers now, gently squeezing her fingers as I pulled away.

 

The clock read a little after ten and I pushed her to go, I didn't know Anya all that well, but she was Raven's mate and Raven always said she was a hardass when one was not punctual.

 

She gently took my chin, rubbing her thumb across my cheek softly. I looked up into her eyes and saw them soften to molten chocolate. I wanted to stare forever into them. I stood and let her pull me into her body, her hands find a natural and comfortable place on my lower back, her lips turning up into a smile as she leaned down and nuzzled my hair softly. Her lips pressed against my head, murmuring softly to have a good sleep and to stay warm. I nodded my acknowledgement as I wrapped my arms around her waist, it felt all to right to be in her arms like this, as if my soul had done this time and time again in other lives. 

 

I don’t know what she wanted us to be, but it wasn’t going to good for either of us.

 

==

 

_She spoke with her hands a lot, gesturing wildly as the words tumbled from her mouth at a quick fire pace, spouting past events with wild untamed friends from her youth. I watched her and ate slowly, nodding and speaking when necessary, smiling and laughing at points. Anything she had to say, I was eager to hear and more than willing to spend any time with her. Her eyes lit up each time she saw me in the halls._

 

_She was exceptionally gorgeous amongst our peers, but no one seemed to notice her. No one but I took an interest in her. I would be lying if I said it was shame, I loved that I had her to myself._

 

_But she was conditioning me for something that would break me._

 

_“And I put my hair into a ponytail and everyone knew shit was about to go down!” Her laugh was low and full of amusement. Her eyes were alight with mischief and secrets. I felt myself fall even more in love._

 

_She popped a fry into her mouth and looked around, sighing in contentment. I watched her intently, waiting for more of the story. But nothing came next. She sat and stared off into space. It was loud in the commons, kids running around and chasing each other, alphas having contests in front of potential mates, and humans loudly gossiping about the latest music or whatever._

 

_Yet, I was sitting in front of this beautiful alpha girl, waiting on her to grace me with her voice._

 

_I knew people didn’t see anything wrong with us, an Alpha and an Omega together. It was common. But in my eyes I saw an impossible pairing._

 

_“So...Clarke...I want to show you something. But you have to keep it a secret, okay?” Her voice startled me, it didn’t sound like her. The softness was gone and it caused goosebumps to travel over my body, she seemed to age tremendously as the silence grew longer between us._

 

_I swallowed loudly and scooted closer to her, “Of course, whatever i-it is, it’s safe with me.” I tried to sound genuine and sincere._

 

_Finally looking away from whatever she was staring at, her eyes were darker now, something hiding in them before a brief second of sadness flashed through them._

  
_“I know it will, that’s why I choose you…”_


	4. Cut The Knife a Little Deeper

**Approx. 2.5 weeks later…**

 

A pensive Lexa stared at me as I tossed fries into the air and tried to catch them in my mouth, salt was sprinkled across my face as I laughed and kept trying. I knew what Lexa was wanting to talk about, my heat was due sometime this week and I was going to be forced to stay home for it, being unmated was the worst. I’d rather be a human and deal with periods and blood gushing from my nether regions, than the white hot pain that punished me for not being mated or pregnant.

 

Lexa was the only Alpha that seemed to take an interest in me in the entire school. I tossed another fry in the air, watching it twirl as it came straight for my face. Opening my mouth with a pop but groaned as a sleek brown hand caught it swiftly and flung it at my chest.

 

I immediately looked at Lexa, already done with her antics before she even got started. She isn’t allowed to ignore my conversation and then pull a stunt like that. I’m not one of her obedient omegas or human she can toy around with.

 

“Seriously. Childish.”

 

All I got for an answer was a quirk of a perfectly trimmed eyebrow and some stolen fries before she leaned back against the wall and continued to stare at me.

 

I hunched forward and spun the few fries on the table in circles as I waited for her start talking. She was bound to capture my attention sooner or later with her deep talk, I just needed to wait on her to speak on her own terms. No matter how many times I ask her what the hell was wrong, she won’t talk today.

 

Glancing at the clock, I noticed it was almost time for her last class and my training class.

 

“It healed well.” I looked up at her through my eyelashes, trying to feign like it didn’t catch me off guard when she spoke. I quirked an eyebrow at her and looked back down at the fries. My heartbeat taking off without my permission as she smirked at me. “Have you had anymore dizzy spells as of late?”

 

I narrowed my eyes at the table at her question, the only person I told about the dizziness was Raven. I was ticked off, of course those two talked about me behind my back. I mean, they are exes and one of them has been my best friend since we were in the womb, but that still doesn’t mean I should be a topic to talk about when they were together.

 

I shrugged, earning a rumble from Lexa.

 

“Seriously? Childish.” The slight scoff in her voice pushed me over the edge. Wiping my face as I stood up, shoving the tray towards her and made for the glass doors that led to the commons. I heard a groan just as I reached the door. That didn't stop me though, my anger getting the best of me as I pushed my way through a wall of students and stomped my way to class.

 

=

 

“So Anya, go to the left, Anya left for, seriously clacker to the left,” Ravens huffed out instructions fell on deaf ears as I went to strike again. She easily caught it and twisted my arm behind my back, pulling me against her front. I growled as a shooting pain shocked my torso, “I said to the left for the next-” I hooked my left foot around her calf and pushed backwards. She stumbled back and quickly let go of my arm as we fell onto the mats. “Fuck Clarke! That move can break your arm!” Raven roared as she shoved me off her. I rolled and swiftly kicked at her, earning a growl as she somersaulted to a kneeling position and bared her teeth at me.

 

I let out a cry and lunged at her, she easily deflected my attack and pinned me to the mat, squishing my face against it as I growled at her.

 

“Reyes! Griffin! This is a practice gym! Not a fighting ring!” 

 

I stopped long enough for her shove me away, slamming her fists into the mats she growled and bared her teeth at me again. Her wolf was very prominent in her eyes as she continued to watch me as I lay sprawled out next to her.

 

“Reyes!” Pikes voice broke my trance, glancing at him as he rushed towards us with a glare set on his face. But Raven kept watching me, her balled up hands turning into claws, her position of her on hands and knees gave everyone in the class perfect view of her back snapping outwards as the shift started. I may have fucked up and gone too far.

 

A low growl seemed to vibrate the air around us and I felt even smaller in her presence now. Raven wasn't asking me to submit, she wasn't fighting for her own, I couldn't even go as far as to say she was protecting anything. She was pissed off and her only target was me.

 

Pike had stopped a few feet from us, his Alpha pheromones mixing with hers but not deterring her from me. I scooted back, my slick palms squeaking against the mats. My gaze that had settled on her now growing paws immediately looked up into her eyes and that triggered it. The loud snarl that deafened me also kick started me into a fast sprint to whatever cover was to my left, my socked feet sliding against the mats as I tried to find traction, my grunts of exertion as I flung myself to the large bleachers, and Raven’s jaws snapping into the air my feet just occupied.

 

Tossed equipment down behind me, large foam blocks didn't seem to be an obstacle to a now fully shifted wolf. I slammed into a wall and jumped to the side and slid under the bleachers finally, hearing Pike yell after a couple of other Alphas that Raven had lost it and was trying to attack an omega.

 

I shimmied into the small space, rolling my hips in a way that got them stuck just as I felt something slice my right calf. “FUCK!” Pain scoured my body, shock waves running up my spine. Bright flashes appeared behind my eyelids as I struggled to crawl further into the small space behind the bleachers.

 

Nia was going to rip into me for damaging my body further.

 

Dragging myself fully behind the seats, I sat cross-legged and stared wide eyed at the blood slowly seeping into the floor, dying my light blue gym shorts a dark purple. I blocked out the pain as I ran my fingers along the cut, astonished that it was bleeding so slowly.

 

I barely heard them wrangle Raven into a net, barely heard Anya call my name, I didn't even hear Nyko’s soothing voice call to me. The blood had me vexed.

 

=

 

Abby busied herself around the small room Nyko held me in. It was basically a closet but it had equipment my mother seemed to deem fit to bandage me with. I sat on a hard stool, picking at the cloth that was wrapped around my wounded calf. I don't know how Raven attacked me but it had coagulated my blood on contact and I was in a daze.

 

“I hear Raven has been off the suppressant for the past month.” Abby mumbled as she disinfected a needle and set it up on a small tray. She turned and placed everything she needed beside me on a another stool, and made to sit cross-legged in front of me.

 

My breathing was shallow as she looked up at me, exhaustion evident in her eyes as she held my gaze yet expertly removed the soiled cloth from my leg. More blood seeped out and I felt myself go a little more pale.

 

The consequences that were in store for me now…

 

“Clarke...can you tell me what happened?”

 

“She bit me.” The hollowness in my voice froze her for a brief second before she swallowed hard and continued to dab at the blood. Reaching over to the tray she grabbed a shot and smoothly stuck the wound. The sharp pinch making me tense a little as I leaned back.

 

“Nyko said they couldn't get you out from behind the bleachers for twenty minutes.”

 

A heaviness weighed in my chest, the urge to sink into my mother's arms was great now, my heart wanting her comfort from all the pain I was in.

 

“I'm scared.”

 

Abby was an Alpha, she knew nothing but authority and submission from everyone. She wasn't a strong Alpha, but rather one that could use her words to get what she wanted until a strong one came along. Like Kane.

 

Having an Omega daughter made her weak.

 

“Raven is in holding, she says she doesn't understand what happened just that she's terribly sorry and I can't forgive her right now. What happened, Clarke?”

 

I went to gym angry over Lexa, I slammed my locker open and closed, I paired up with Raven immediately and unleashed on her. I provoked her. It was my fault for her shift.

 

But my mouth stayed still, my throat working on the thick saliva that refused to go down. Tears welled in my eyes and I pushed myself away slightly. Everything was my fault, I couldn’t do anything right. Lexa was courting me basically and all I could think of was Niylah each time Lexa got close to me. Her warm touches turning into hot clutches as needy kisses were represented by soft brushes of lips.

 

“Clarke?” My mother’s voice sounded like she was in tunnel even though she was cradling my face softly, calming pheromones filled my senses and I stared back at her with abandon.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

No, no I’m not.

 

=

 

_ I slammed into the wall as I tried to turn the corner at a sprint, my feet sliding against the polished concrete in a desperate attempt to get myself out of there. I heard Niylah calling after me, her voice getting closer each time she yelled my name. I pushed myself off the wall and quietly made my way into a closet, stepping into the darkness as if welcoming a friend in for a hug. _

 

_ Her voice rang out just outside of the door, her panting echoing off the bare walls of the hallway. She had stopped where my scent had ended, wondering where the hell I went probably. _

 

_ “Clarke, you have to trust me. Please, I wouldn’t ask this of you for any other reason.” I shrank against the shelving in the small room, watching the shadows play across the bottom of the door. I bit my bottom lip as I heard her hand run down the side of the door. “Beja, Klark. Beja, hodnes.” _

 

_ I felt a bubble of fight make its way up my chest, giving me strength to speak finally. _

 

_ “Ai don sen in chit bilaik ai gaf sen in.” _

 

_ Fists slammed into the door, rattling it on it’s hinges. I tried not to jump back but the brief wave of courage was gone and my Omega self came back. _

 

_ “It’s not just your life that is in danger! You can’t be selfish anymore! Open the damn door before I fucking do and you won’t regret it, Clarke!” the anger in her voice was overwhelming, it seeped through the door instantly and wrapped a vice grip around me. _

 

_ I stayed crouch as I closed my eyes and brought my knees to my chest. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe, I felt like I was dying. _

 

_ The door swung open and Niylah was on me in milliseconds. She grabbed my legs and pushed them down roughly, my hips protested and I ended up on my stomach. She growled as she roughly flipped me on my back. The breath I was holding in seemed to escape me as she straddled my chest. She bared her teeth at me, her pupils dilated, and chest heaving. _

 

_ Grabbing my shoulders she lifted me and slammed me back down repeatedly until I started seeing stars. “My life is in the air with yours, my life depends on your compliance. Do not,” She leaned down, her hot breath sucking what little fight I had, out of me, “Make me regret choosing you, Klark.” _

 

_ My head lulled to the side as I went limp in her hold. She picked me up and slammed me against the floor again, my ear getting most of the impact, and a loud ringing started from left to right. _

 

_ She leaned down, her breath washing over my face in a calm rhythm, “You have to love me more than you love yourself now, that’s all it comes down too.” _


	5. It's Everywhere I Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING*
> 
> *rape scene right away*
> 
> I wrote the beginning a long time and haven't edited it nor read it until this posting. but I don't want to take it out cuz its kind of important to Clarke's arch. So having that in, as poorly written as it is, I decided to do something to make up for it. emotions aren't my forte, I'm working on my own right now and writing them seems fake to me so if y'all could tell me how it is to you, that'll be great.
> 
> I'm sorry if this does things to you, good or bad, I'm just sorry :/

Niylah ran her finger down the length of the cut, a glare set on her face. I had my back pressed against the wall with a pillow on my lap, keeping an eye on her every move. She gently grabbed my ankle with her right hand and pushed my knee with the other.

 

She sighed as she ran her fingers down the length again, “The stitching was done well, I don't think it'll scar if you take care of it. What kind of alpha bit you?”

 

I studied her. She seemed exhausted yet alert. But she hasn't even looked me in the eye since I let her in ten minutes ago. She knew of my injury the second she stepped in, having me lead the way back to my room after locking the door. I waited to answer, still watching her expressions.

 

“Klark. Beja.” Wariness.

 

“T-they were angry. I kind of lost it during training a-and they reacted….I haven't seen you at school lately…”

 

A breathy scoff, “School. That's the least of my worries, Klark.” She gave me a long side glance, I didn't recognize the look, but I felt her anger as she stood up. She wiped her hands down her face as she started pacing the room, “You don't get it, do you? You want to play things your way, get hurt every other month, Clarke. You're playing with my life too! Ontari’s! This isn't something you get to walk away from!”

 

Anger rose in me as she spoke, my wolf rising from her slumber and unleashed hell within me. The words leaving my mouth without warning. “Why did you bring me into it then?! Why are you hurting me-”

 

She pounced. Yanking me down further on the bed, putting me a daze as she straddled me and held my hands above my head. Her fingers worked deftly to get under my loose shorts, unceremoniously working through my folds and forcing herself into me. I yelped at the pain, bucking to knock her off. She snarled in my face as she pumped fast and hard into me. Twisting my hips, arching my back, I tried everything to get her off. But I was too weak, the unwanted pleasure coursing through my veins as her hot palm rubbed my clit just right.

 

“Ni-Niylah! Please st-stop!” Tears welled up, heat blossoming across my face. A deep cut sliced something inside of me as I realized, this was not the woman I had fallen for.

 

Just as I was reaching the peak, she yanked her hand away and sat up to her knees. I gasped under her, confusion mixing with the residual anger. She breathed heavily as she stared down at me, no emotions crossed her face. Nothing.

 

I was staring at a robot that Nia was intent on creating within me. My jaw went slack as I kept her gaze, her breathing was a steady pace, eyes unblinking, and her pupils blown. Niylah was motivated by movement right now, and I was stock still as I waited for her to make her move.

 

I figured it was best to bite the bullet, but just as I went to bring my hands up to her thighs, Abby decided to come back.

 

“Clarke, I brought some bandages for you. We need to clean it.” I heard her shuffling around, moving stuff, dropping something on the floor before muttering. I kept staring at Niylah, sweat coating my body. “Clarke? Is someone here?” The second her foot hit the first step on the staircase, Niylah was moving. She swiftly stood up and tossed a blanket on me and moved to my art stool and carefully arranged herself on it and looked as if she was sitting there the entire time. I wrestled with the blanket as embarrassment started creeping up my neck as boiling hot blood. I kept glancing at her trying to gauge her feelings, but she was still the robot.

 

‘ _Talk.’_ She mouthed dramatically just as a veil of concern and worry dropped over her face. She contorted herself into a worried friend in no less than five seconds. And it scared me.

 

“Ye-yeah mom, uh my friend Niylah. She’s visiting...me?” I looked to the door just as Abby appeared, still in her work scrubs with exhaustion written all over her. I watched her take a subtle sniff and give Niylah a long side glance. I bit my lip out of the nervousness that racked my body, looking between the two alphas.

 

Niylah stood suddenly, making Abby tense a little into a protective stance with one foot pointed at me. “Ms. Griffin, I’m just dropping by to see how,” she looked at me, the concern still etched into her features, “Clarke is doing. I was absent yesterday but heard all about it from mutual friends.”

 

I looked at Abby and noticed that she didn’t believe her, the disbelief on Abby’s face made Niylah cringe.

 

It was too clean, too perfect. Abby saw right through it. “Well that’s just too kind. Thank you for coming to see Clarke.” The curtness of the words slammed into me. I nearly choked on my spit as Abby sized Niylah up, but confusion clouded Abby’s face as she looked directly into Niylah’s eyes, who looked away almost immediately. The frown set further onto Abby’s face as she took a few steps towards me. The growl that left Niylah shocked all three of us. Niylah had turned her body as if she were a shield between Abby and I.

 

I sat up and reached out to her, feeling a pull to her the longer Abby stood staring at us. My fingers brushed her hand and she jerked it away, dancing out of my reach and to her stuff. Silently gathering her stuff, she nodded at me and mumbled an apology to Abby, and swiftly yet elegantly made her way out of the house.

 

“Did she touch you?”

 

I shook my head immediately, eyes downcast.

 

“Clarke, did she touch you?”

 

I threw myself back and brought a pillow to cover my face. “Just my leg.”

 

“Her scent is all over this room, all over you. Do not make me ask you again.”

 

I groaned as I pulled the pillow closer to my face, “Just because her scent is all over me, mother, doesn’t mean she touched me. She’s been here for over an hour, she looked at my injury, and she left. That’s it.” I didn’t have to look at her to know that she had resigned from the argument the second I spoke, she wasn’t going to press the matter further because anytime I rebelled, even if it was a scoff or something, she gave up. She’d rather go to work than help me. Faint steps sounded, leaving my room. “Yeah, great. Just leave. I’m fine here by myself, go immerse yourself back into your work.”

 

She descended the stairs with a soft sigh and I felt the hole in my chest grow deeper. I just wanted someone to hold me, tell me they’re here with me, but I can’t even get that.

 

=

 

_Lexa_

 

I leapt up the stairs easily, my backpack bouncing lightly against my back as I knocked twice. A hum of energy was buzzing through me, excitement making me bounce in place. The door swung open to an exhausted Abby, I grinned at her and gestured to the backpack. “Homework delivery!”

 

The scent that hit slapped the grin off my face and woke my wolf up. Niylah.

 

Abby frowned playfully as she let me in, “Does she know you’re here? And with something she might hate?”

 

I glanced around before looking back at her, “Uh no, she wouldn’t allow me over if she knew that I collected her homework. Is someone here?”

 

Her eyes narrowed immediately, “Who’s Niylah?”

 

She was here.

 

“A friend of Clarke’s, I always used to see them together on campus but not since Clarke’s freshmen year.”

 

“How old is she?”

 

Confusion slid over me, “What? She’s the same age as Clarke.”

 

“Lexa, is she trying to mate with Clarke?”

 

“I wouldn’t know, Abby.”

 

“Are you trying to mate with Clarke.”

 

I stared straight into her gaze as my wolf howled deep inside of me at her question. “That’s Clarke and I’s business.”

 

Her pheromones hit me likes brick wall and I sucked in a breath from the force of it. “That is my daughter-”

 

“I wouldn’t bring harm to her like Niylah would.” My words came out in a growl, the hair on my neck standing on end as I stared straight into Abby’s ink coloured eyes, baring my teeth slightly to match her grimace. I believed in my words, I was a better candidate for her. I was better for her in every way.

 

Taking a step to the side, I watched Abby carefully to make sure I didn't spark anger in her. I narrowed my eyes and tried not to flood the room with my scent. She was strong, but she had little fight in her. That probably stemmed from losing her mate, Clarke's father. I watched as her resolve slowly slipped from her gaze and the tension in her stance fell from her bones. I almost felt sorry for her, her only child was an omega and she couldn't, didn't, have the fight in her to protect her rightfully.

 

But I knew that's where I could come in.

 

=

 

The stairs seemed to drag on as I climbed them, the weight in the backpack growing heavier with each step further into Clarke's intoxicating scent. I couldn't help but breathe it in deeply, making myself grow dizzy and drunk off it. The sweet yet solid smell of her made my wolf grumble with satisfaction as it grew heavier in the air. She smelled of rain and fruit. Of the sun and wind. Of dark and light.

 

She smelled of home.

 

I reached for the doorknob but stopped to gently knock and wait for her to call out my name the second she allowed.

 

“-shit I can't Ontari, don't call again.” I heard shuffling before her voice was rushed and muffled, panic rising in it as she ended the call. “Who is it?” The words bit the air urgently before she quietly cursed herself for being flustered.

 

I cleared my throat of curious questions, shook my head of the possessiveness that clouded it, “Lexa, from school.” Wow. Way to go, _Commander_.

 

I felt embarrassment race up to redden my face as I rubbed the back of my neck just as the door opened and I was met with another exhausted Griffin woman. She had copied her mothers pose down to the tee, except she had one brow quirked in curiosity rather residual anger.

 

“Lexa, from school.” She bowed dramatically and ushered me inside. Gripping the strap to my backpack tighter, I sidestepped to her only chair in the room and sat on the edge. I tried to block the strong scent of Niylah, holding my breath, reminiscing in the grounding and wholesome scent that is Clarke. “What brings the _Commander_ to my humble abode?” The name was drawn out, teasingly yet forced. Her eyes were hard still and anger trembled in her lips.

 

Flexing my jaw, I looked around slowly, trying to imagine where the hell Niylah could’ve been.

 

“She’s not here.” My eyes snapped to Clarke, her voice was soft and gentle. She looked scared.

 

“But she was.”

 

Scoffing, she toed the floor where she stood in the middle of the room. “Well yeah, but that was earlier, right after school.”

 

“What was she doing here?”

 

“Does it matter? She’s a fr-friend.” she grew more quiet, wrapping her arms around herself as if she were trying to make herself nonexistent.

 

I watched her shift and squirm under my gaze, swallowing audibly every few seconds. I sniffed and a wall of fear hit me, a weird pressure on my nose started and I had to blink hard a couple of times to try and get rid of it.

 

I hadn’t realized I was pumping my own pheromones into the air, making the scared omega cower from me.

 

I decided to switch gears and go at it from a human perspective.

 

Homework.

 

Waving the strap slightly I smiled tentatively at her, “I brought your homework.” I stood and took the backpack into my hands and started rummaging through it, nervously glancing at Clarke every chance I got and noticed that _her_ nervous and scared expression switched to the hard and guarded one, then to one of playful annoyance. I didn’t want to scare her. Not anymore.

 

=

 

_Clarke_

 

I held the pen tightly in my hand as I tried to figure out an explanation for this particular equation when a quiet snore made me jump.

 

Lexa had her arms under her head next to me on the bed, facing me. Her mouth was slightly open and she had a small frown going on. I bit my lip as I realized how beautiful and adorable she was in this moment. She still looked like the Commander, the name bringing back the memory of the day she made decisions for everyone in class without a second thought, but there was a softness around her that made her seem less angry and stoic. Something that made her look like Lexa, the one who loved to goof around with me in private. The one who ached to kiss me during every quiet moment we shared.

 

Reaching out, I ran my thumb across her cheek and up to trace the shell of her exposed ear. I ended up resting my hand on her neck as I felt sleep over come me and I fell into a similar position as the Alpha next to me, I tried to keep my eyes open as long as I could, drink in the calming presence that was Lexa and be human with her as long as my body allowed.

 

But that was short lived as a phone went off with a shrill ring. Lexa jumped to her hands and knees as she snarled the sleep away. I rolled off the bed in a hurry and hopped up to grab my phone off the night stand.

 

“It's just an alarm. It's okay, lex.” I noted the caller ID, an unknown number but the sinking feeling in my stomach made me sure it was Niylah calling to reprimand me for hanging up on Ontari. Hitting the lock button I placed it back down and moved back to the bed. My heart was racing and panic started to rise in me as I realized Lexa was still growling lightly.

 

“I need to get home. It's late.”

 

“So late it's basically early…” I sat on the edge as I gathered the book and paper to make room for her exit. Yet she stayed looking at me with an insufferable expression, her eyes clouded with sleep and want. I found the floor to be extremely interesting as I looked away from her, paint flicks and pencil shavings here and there, smudges and scrape marks in other places.

 

“Klark…” The way she said my name sent shudders of fear down my back, she sounded exactly like Niylah.

 

Niylah.

 

Her hands touched my back and I leaned into it. The warm feeling from her palm had calmed my wolf down considerably within just a few seconds. The bed dipped as she moved behind me and pressed into me, the soft swell of her breasts against me almost had me purring in pleasure. I tilted my head to the left she pulled my hair out of the way of my neck, her lips attaching themselves immediately and a groan leaving my throat as I let her take all my weight.

 

This was Lexa, this was intimate. It was dangerous.

 

But the smoldering pain in my lower stomach was being washed away the more she kissed and locked up my neck and down to my chest. Her hands gently found their way under my shirt and cool fingers traced odd shapes along my heated skin.

 

I bit my lip as she pulled me tighter against her and moved to lay us down.

 

“Ai hodnes, Beja.” The rasp in her voice sparked my arousal even more. She threw the pillows and blankets out of the way as she maneuvered her way on top of me, pinning my arms at my sides with her knees, but I didn't feel trapped in this moment.

 

Leaning down, she left a bruising kiss to my lips and moved her hot mouth down my neck, ghosting over my skin as she tugged the offending shirt up my torso. I tugged my arms from her knees but a growl stopped me. I looked up at her, chest heaving now from all the goddamn heat between us, and I saw her pupils blown. Fingers trailed my jaw and blunt nails scratched lightly as she cradled my head, her breathing slow and purposeful as she slowly slid her legs out from under her to lay half on me with her thigh tucked securely against me heated sex. Her hard member throbbed lightly on my thigh as she pressed closer to me, excitement and anticipation grew at lightning speeds within me.

 

My mouth went dry as she held my gaze longer, my attention was on her hands as they made slow work against my abs and chest. I held completely still as I let her do what she wanted.

 

But her fingers digging into my muscle under my belly button made me tense immediately, I closed my eyes as images flashed around behind my eyelids, and my breathing started picking up.

 

“You're safe, Clarke. I have you. I'm here.”

  
That was all I needed to hear.


	6. Drown My Sorrows In Someone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Riiiiiiight, well. Idk. this chapter. A lot of things.....happen. I am hesitation? Its short, unedited, I'm sleepy, well maybe edited a little...enjoy!

_ Clarke _

 

Her arms wrapped tightly around me as she kissed from my temple down, her pheromones flooding the room as she moved further on top of me. I pressed into her mouth, feeling her teeth scrape lightly down my neck, eliciting a soft moan from me. The pain in my lower abdomen was subtle still, but persistent.

 

“Lex…”

 

A growl answered me and I arched into her, pleasure flooded my senses, the feeling making my arms feel light and head feel fuzzy. Her fingers dragged heavily down my back, digging into the tense muscles as dull nails caused goosebumps to rise. Bucking into her, I gasped as her lips found mine again and left a bruising impression. Sweat formed where she was touching and my breathing got heavier as she shimmied my night shorts down. The cool air licking at my heated thighs caused a groan to fill the air.

 

Her jeans chafed my thighs and I pointedly hooked my fingers in her belts loops and tugged lightly. Her weight left me and air found its way into my lungs, much to my disappointment.

 

Wrapping my legs around her waist, I pulled her back but she steeled herself with her hands, on either side of my head. She didn’t budge no matter how hard I pulled.

 

She was panting above me, her eyes pitch black and her teeth slightly bared. I felt the first wave of my heat hit and a loud groan left me as I felt my grip on her loosen. I fell back onto the bed and arched beneath her, the pain licking its way up from my middle to my chest in seconds. My fingers clutched at the bed, flashes appeared behind my clenched eyes.

 

The bed dipped as she stood off to the side and shed her clothes, ripping them off and tossing them randomly around the room. My neck strained as another groan rolled out of my open mouth, my muscles protesting painfully the longer I stayed arched on the bed. But the pain did not cease until I felt Lexa crawl onto me and straddle my waist, her member throbbing against my heated center.

 

I reached forward and wrapped my arms around her neck as she rutted slowly against me, my wetness coating her instantly.

 

“Klark…”

 

“Lexa…”

 

Her teeth sank into my shoulder and a scream of pleasure left me.

 

=

 

_ Raven _

 

I finished tinkering around with the small radio Anya had found on our weekly hike the other day, my left leg still sore from it. She was ready to throw far into the woods to impress me with her ability, but I had reached up to grab it but ended up making us fall together in a bush.

 

Her lips finding my weak spot immediately made the short one hour trek turn out to be close to three. I smirked at the memories, my body remembering her cooling touch on my heated body.

 

The sound of metal clanging made me jump, I forgot I was at her place.

 

I slowly stood, making sure the brace was safely snug in place before taking a step.

 

I stumbled into the kitchen and watched as she effortlessly moved around the kitchen, grabbing ingredients and mixing them together. I smelled the meat cooking, spices being added, and… onions. I smirked before moving to the island and leaned heavily against it, my leg protesting painfully from moving after being immobile for a long while.

 

“You don’t like onions.” 

 

“I like you, and you like onions.” Her voice was level, but the slight shake of her head tipped me off, she was in a good mood. A rare good mood, she was making food and usually it was me making dinner for us.

 

Quirking an eyebrow, I stared at her back, slowly taking in my mate. Her tan skin was enticing to me, my mouth watering as I stared at her, lips aching to kiss her.

 

“So I was thinking about-” She turned around and I shot up from my position, startled, and my hand ended up slipping on the edge of the counter and my body followed.

 

I hit the ground with a soft thud and a loud curse. I had landed on my bad leg, of fucking course, and pain raced throughout my body. I tried to shift to kneel but the pain shot up my back and a scream crawled up my throat and flitted out of my clenched teeth. I felt sweat start to cover my forehead and back, my muscles pulsing in sync with my rapid heartbeat.

 

Her hands gently touched my shoulder and good leg, her cool breath parting my hair with each exhale. “Hey I got you.” She easily picked me up and carried me awkwardly to the couch. My breathing became heavy and labored as she sat me carefully on the soft surface. My hands immediately clutched at my thigh as the pain increased. “Hey hey hey, look at me, Rae.” I heard her gentle tone above the roaring of the blood in my ears, felt her touch on my burning skin, felt her calm energy slowly cover me like a cool blanket.

 

Anya reached for the brace and easily undid it before massaging lightly into the inflamed skin of my calf. Disgust clawed into my chest as I realized how at ease she was with me. I felt like a burden to her with this.

 

“Did you take your meds today?” The soft tone cut the claws away, the light gaze gave me breath, and her tentative smile took the pain away. Slightly.

 

Shaking my head, I reached down and grabbed my thigh, digging my thumbs into the tense muscle. Her lips pressed against my cheek, my eyes closing at the feeling. “I’ll go get them, keep massaging.”

 

My pocket started vibrating as soon as Anya stood, keeping one hand on my leg and the other reaching for the phone, I felt a weird panic rise in my chest. Air evaded my lungs as I pulled the phone out and looked at the caller ID.

 

“O?”

 

“Get off him, Bell! He didn’t do shit! Raven! Where the hell are you?!”

 

Anya came back into the room with a questioning look on her face, I frowned more as I held the phone tighter to my ear, “I’m at Anya’s why-”

 

“Clarke is in heat and you wouldn’t guess who showed up!”

 

Anya let out a bark of laughter.

 

“How do you when she’s in heat?”

 

“Why do you care about that? Bellamy! Seriously!” grunts and scuffling ensued her yell.

 

“Do we need to congratulate the love birds?” Anya handed some pills to me followed by a cold water bottle against my leg. The cold sent a relief throughout my body I let out a small moan.

 

“Seriously, Reyes? Your bestie is on the phone.”

 

A growl left me clenching my teeth as I started a retort but Anya shook her head and nodded to the pills. “Fuck off, O. Did you have any other gossip to share or no?”

 

“We need to go, Octavia.” A muffled Lincoln sounded in her background. I rolled my eyes and popped the pills into my mouth and held my hand out for the water. My face screwed into disgust as the pills started dissolving on my tongue, Anya held the open bottle to me and I chugged as much as I could.

 

“You need to check on Clarke and Lexa later, I have to go.”

 

“Why, they’re….adults.” The click sounded and I dropped the phone, shaking my head of all the confusion.

 

“So Leksa and Klark…” A smirk played on her lips as she took the bottle from me and capped it. Shrugging, my hands went back to my thigh and resumed the massage.

 

I honestly couldn’t care right now with the pain still present. But I also couldn't let go of the weird panic that was still settling in my chest. This happened before, when Octavia had been stranded outside of town with two flat tires and an almost dead cell phone. I knew she was in trouble but I didn't know at the same time. It only happens with Clarke and O.

 

“Call Lexa.” I set my gaze on Anya as she looked at me questioningly. She had reached for her phone on the table but stopped midway. I glanced between her phone, her hand, and her face as the moment prolonged.

 

“If Klark is in heat and Leksa is there...the inevitable is going to happen.”

 

“No. I don't know. Clarke is weird about mating with Lexa. She's hung up on Niylah.”

 

Anger flared from Anya at the name, “Niylah Harmon? What business does Klark have with that woman?”

 

“They've been going out since freshman year.”

 

“Niylah isn't a-”

 

“A what? They're good together, Niylah really cares for Clarke but they I don't know. Want to wait I'm guessing.”

 

I sat up and reached for my brace but Anya tossed it away on the ground. “Hey what the fu-”

 

“Niylah is Ontari’s mate.”

 

Disbelief hit me and I stuttered but ended up closing my mouth.The panic in my chest finally made sense. Anya’s piercing gaze hardened as the silence prolonged. Clarke told me she loved Niylah a month after they started dating, I chalked it up to being young and reckless, first year in high school, and a hot as fuck chick taking notice in her. I had always thought that the way that Niylah looked at Clarke was love or admiration, not once taking in her scent into account.

 

But now that I think about it, I don’t know her scent.

 

“Are you...sure?”

 

The single nod from a stoic Anya made a rock settle in my stomach. I felt sick. My knee was throbbing. I’m tired. I have to go home and tell Sinclair that I got suspended. Everything was too much right now.

 

“Shit. That’s…”

 

“Let’s not talk about them anymore. Your knee still hurting?” Her seamless switch to my injury had me reeling. 

 

“Um yeah but I...I don’t know. Clarke is my best friend-”

 

“And you have every intention on telling her about Niylah. But you shouldn’t. And you won’t.” Her eyes had fire in them, anger that was slowly rising, making her scent stronger.

 

“I won’t?”

 

She shook her head, fingers working gently along the scar down the inside of my left leg. “Babe, you can’t tell me what to, OW!” her fingers dug into the muscle hard and she let go.

 

“The suppressants kept a lot of the pain at bay when you were on them.” I swiveled on the couch and made to rest my foot on the coffee table, my own anger blinding me.

 

“Yeah, well someone wanted to knock me up and suppressants kept that option at bay too.” A scowl set on my face and I rubbed my leg slowly.

 

“You didn’t have to agree, I just thought-”

 

I growled and stood up, barely taking a step before her arms grabbed me and pulled me into her. I tried to shove her off, but lips met my neck as hands rubbed my stomach lightly.

 

“I just thought, starting a family with me would keep you with me.”

 

And just like that, my anger left me.


	7. Count The Days We'll Survive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *lots of triggers, mild violence, mention of violence*
> 
> *just be careful, shit happens*
> 
> I didn't trigger myself as much this time! like a couple of times but ya...........but this came from someone on tumblr who found my blog (some lisbeth salander shit you did bruh, i salute you!) and they thought having this perspective would be helpful to the plot, and right they were, i know exactly where this is going now. So, thank you for this suggestion. They gave me this suggestion and then continued to hate on the person so, i feel ya. (they also asked to not be mentioned by name so shhhh no one ask)

_Niylah_

 

“You have to keep her under control. My or sorry, our lives depend on maintaining the facade of the shit show she has going on.” Ontari squeezed my hand softly as she spoke with a sad smile. I pressed my lips together as exhaustion shook my bones. She retracted her hand slowly and tapped the tablet in her other hand awake, immediately engrossing herself with Nia’s work.

 

I wish it wasn’t like that though, I never wanted to be apart of this. I didn’t want Clarke to be apart of this, I wanted her to go away from me, be turned off by my charm. But I don’t know when to stop. I don’t know when to feel anything.

 

“Niy? Did you text her?”

 

Shaking my head, “No reply, the wound she has is going to take a bit to heal. An alpha off suppressants bit her.”

 

Ontari nodded and looked back down at her tablet, smoothly tapping around the screen. I knew in this moment I should be feeling multiple emotions, anger, guilt, regret, love. But the wall in my mind had me pinned against it so tight, I couldn’t even care to breathe.

 

This was to be Clarke, one day soon. Nia was going to make sure of it; a compliant shell of a person to bring in money. Just as Nia was going to make sure I helped take care of it.

 

“She’s extraordinary,” Glancing at On, I pursed my lips to Clarke’s file on the table between us, “Close to three months of this and she’s still fighting us. I misjudged her.”

 

“Clarke is something else, but she’s still a pawn. Nia will see to her compliance.” She set the tablet aside and looked longingly at me, her face softening to reveal a shy mask of love and adoration. I let a small smile play on my lips as I continued to hold her gaze.

 

A small warmth started in my chest when she gave me a toothy grin, but disappeared just as fast. My mate was in front of me, I should be feeling something. Whether it be contentment or lust. But I felt nothing.

 

“I know what Nia did is basically irreversible, but can we at least pretend you feel something?”

 

“Would you think it to be a lie?”

 

She shook her head, sadness veiling her eyes now. “No, all you’re doing is surviving. That’s all I ask. That’s all I want.”

 

I scoffed, “You don’t want what I’m giving you, you fell into this just as Clarke did, except you were smart enough to take the reigns.”

 

She closed her eyes, trying to control her emotions that were clearly shown on her face. I watched as her jaw tensed and her chin jerked to the side. “What is it that you see in her, that isn’t in me? Your mate.”

 

“Power.”

 

=

 

I glanced at my phone once again in the past hour, hoping Clarke had finally responded. But the picture of Ontari and I was unobstructed when the screen lit up with life. I gritted my teeth as I slid further down in the chair in Nia’s office. I smacked the phone against my thigh harshly, the loud slap caused a perfectly arched eyebrow to raise on Nia’s face. She glanced at me with questions but immediately looked away when beeping from her computer sounded.

 

“Who was the wolf that bit our lovely Klark?”

 

I leaned my head into my hand, annoyance riding up the second she asked. “I don't know, some immature Alpha at school. I guess he was off his suppressants.”

 

She murmured her response, still looking at the computer with intensity. “Off the suppressants, is this immature alpha trying to knock someone up or be in tune with one's wolf?”

 

“Why are you asking me?”

 

The bite in my voice had made her cease in her duties. My teeth ached with anger as she looked down her nose at me, I clutched my phone tightly in my hand as the anger rolled throughout my body. She adjusted herself so she was relaxed and loose but still staring intently at me. Her blue eyes dark as she watched me squirm slightly in the chair.

 

“I want to move Klark into the next group, right after school ends. For the summer. If she does well with the higher ups, I'm sure we can come up with a cover story for her disappearance. If needed. Can you prepare her for that?”

 

Shock stilled my body and fear had seized my heart. I felt out of control now. She wants to take Clarke away from her family and friends.

 

I swallowed the bile that rose up my constricted throat and looked down at the desk, too afraid of what my eyes held.

 

“Would that be…would that be wise, Nia? She has had so many complaints against her-”

 

“Do you propose someone else?”

 

“I can. Clarke is a liability, she-”

 

Her chuckle was low and menacing. The smile on her lips was more of a baring of teeth rather than a smile or variety of one. I watched as she delicately ran her fingers down along the edge of her desk, “Ontari told me you said quite the opposite of Klark. Extraordinary, I believe is what you said. Now how can you feel that way about her but tell me this?”

 

I choked on my breath as I felt the cold tendrils of fear seize my body, I stared down at the desk as I tried to will words to come out of my open mouth. But all my lips did were twitch around nothing.

 

Nia sighed, her head dropping a little as she rubbed her forehead slowly, “What you feel for this girl, it’s weakened you.”

 

The sound of my teeth clacking together filled the air as she continued, “I feel it’s time we start your lessons again.” Memories of pain hit me, my arms and legs felt tied down and my head pinned in place. Those lessons almost cost me my life. Designed to break one from the inside out.

 

Panic rose and I jumped to my feet. “She’s nothing to me, you wanted an omega with fight in them and I gave you her. I just felt that we are moving her to fast and her mind would break from this, she’s already showing signs of trauma and depression.”

 

Her lips curled into cruel smile, “That’s what I want.”

 

=

 

Throwing the car into park and letting it idle, I ran up to Clarke’s house, my mind racing with the task at hand. I leapt up the few stairs, knocking once before trying the handle and letting myself in.

 

“Klark!?” I sniffed lightly, her scent the only one in my mind as I whirled around looking for any signs of her. “Klark!” desperation drove my voice up an octave and clawed my throat dry.

 

I took off up the stairs and shouldered my way into her room, she was sitting in front of her canvas with earbuds in, the music loud enough for me to hear in my spot by the door. I strode over to her and wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight to me, inhaling her scent.

 

She jumped in my arms and dropped whatever she was holding, the objects falling to the ground in a loud clatter. I twisted her to face me and kissed her forehead hard.

 

“N-Niylah!” her voice was surprised and off, as if she had expected me to not be here.

 

I pulled away a little, tears forming in my eyes as I looked her up and down. Her heat was done yesterday, it’s been three whole days since I’ve seen her and she was even more beautiful. I patted her arms and gently ran my fingers over her hair, eyes scanning her face, and head. I smiled weakly at her as a new wave of emotion rammed into me, making my knees wobble as I stared at her surprised cobalt eyes. Right then the purpose of my impromptu visit hit me and I stuttered slightly.

 

“We need to go, please. I can’t wait.” I kissed her cheek before rushing off to her closet to find a suitcase and a duffle bag.

 

“What? Why? Stop and tell me what’s going on!” Her voice grew closer to me.

 

I tossed the items to her dresser and turned to her, taking her face into my hands as I kissed her hard. “I can’t, we need to leave soon, within the hour. Once we’re a good distance I can explain.”

 

“No, Niy-”

 

“KLARK! Listen to me! I’m trying to help you!” I let my pheromones flood the room as I yelled at her, my throat was sore and scratchy after, I swallowed thickly as I stared down at her. She had fallen to sit on the bed, eyes trained at my feet but her neck hidden, her submission not given.

 

It didn’t bother me though, I didn’t want her to submit to me, not now. I needed to get her out. I walked over to the suitcase and her dresser and started stuffing her clothes into it, grabbing everything from her drawers before moving to the laundry baskets and stuffing those items into the dufflebag.

 

“We can do your laundry when we get across state, we can get more if you want, but there’s a safehouse in Colorado that I think we should get too, at least in the next couple days. I want to be out of the country within four days. That should give us time…” I turned to her art supplies and started organizing them into the boxes they originally came in, until I heard her crying.

 

My head snapped up to her and my wolf wanted to comfort her, I walked over to her and pulled her into my arms, purring immediately as she started crying harder.

 

“I want to save you, I’m sorry for this. I didn’t want to bring you into this world, I didn’t want to make you into this.”

 

“I can’t leave my mate.”

 

“I’m right…” her voice was gravelly, thick with sadness and rebellion as it quieted the roar of blood in my ears. I froze in place as I repeated her words in my head, I was supposed to be her mate but...

 

I finally sniffed the air, her scent bombarding me just as another hit me. The strong alpha scent making me dry heave. I stiffened as I let her slid out of my arms, standing as she moved up the bed and curled in on herself.

 

Coughing to get the smell out of my mouth and nose, rubbing my hands over my face as I flooded the room again with my own scent. Pain fluttered in my chest as I placed the scent. Lexa Woods.

 

“What did you do…”

 

“Niy...it just happened…”

 

I slowly looked up at her, eyes draggin up her bare legs, scanning her tank top covered torso, to only land on the dark pink bit mark on her left shoulder. Anger bristled my body as I stood up and glared down at the cowering omega. Hands balling into fists as I kicked the bed roughly, making her yelp and whimper loudly. Her fear clogged my nostrils, urging the animal in me to continue the hunt.

 

“Why did you allow them to do this to you!? What the fuck is wrong with you, Klark?! Do you not understand what this means!?” I jumped onto the bed and dragged her under me, pinning her to the bed as I snarled in her face. The realization of what her mating did, hit me. Ontari was to die because of her mating to me, I was to die because Klark is my charge, and Klark was to die. Because mated bodies were useless in this trade.

 

“Niylah! Please stop!” She tried to get me off her, twisting and turning in my hold and kicking wildly.

 

“Do I mean nothing to you!? Does life mean nothing to you?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” I straddled her and pinned her hands above her head.

 

But just as fast as the anger came over me, it left. The mated scent of her finally making its way to my brain, my wolf wanting nothing to do with this taken omega anymore. My fight left me as I slid off her, sitting on the edge of the bed briefly before standing and making my way to the door.

 

“I hope, they’re worth it.”


	8. Under Cold Summer Skies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **mild violence**
> 
> okay so like sorry i'm so slow on the updates, I need to take breaks from writing this its very very very taxing on me. But I need to get it written. So updates will be slow for a little. BUT Y'ALL NEED TO READ THE COMMENTS FOR LIKE SNEAK PEAKS AND SHIT. most of the time the stuff I say in the comments don't come true or at least not right away. and I take ideas from you guys too, i love talking about this story in depth, its easier that way. SO ASK THINGS, SUGGEST THINGS, MAKE COMMENTS ABOUT NON CONCISE PASSAGES THIS HELPS.
> 
> read the comments, comment yourself, and kudos. I love the "update!" comments cuz it pushes my drive to actually write. 
> 
> you can also talk to me on Tumblr @ totesacceptable so ask away there too! much appreciated! enjoy! thanks so much again!
> 
> also unedited so sorry for any mistakes, english isn't my first language (/_\")

_ Clarke _

 

Lexa was rubbing my back soothingly as I lay sprawled out 

 

“Did she say what she wanted?” I shook my head, her growl vibrating my ear as she clutched my arm tightly.

 

I pressed myself more into her as she fired off more questions, pumping her scent into the room profusely to rid it of Niylah. I shook my head at intervals as if I were listening, but all I could think of was what the hell I was going to do about going with Niylah. I nuzzled my face into her neck as I felt fear plow through me.

 

She’s worth it.

 

She’s worth it.

 

She’s worth it.

 

Right?

 

My mother’s words when she first met Niylah repeated over and over in my head, she’s no good for you, she has nothing to offer you. I had felt the opposite, that Niylah had the world to offer me, she had endless possibilities tied to her and options other than the medical course my mom had me on. I was excited to be known by her, I had seen her talk to Raven for a little bit. Saw them around school walking together and always whispering, but the second she saw me and smiled all too brightly for a glance, I knew I was a goner.

 

Raven didn’t say anything to me when Niylah attached herself to me nor did it seem to bother her when Niylah broke off their ties.

 

Raven seemed relieved.

 

Yet guilty.

 

“Klark, ai don as yu prom op.” (I asked you a question.) her voice was hard, demanding in her commander way. I brought my hand up to play with the end of one of her braids, trying to will words to come out of my mouth.

 

“She just came in here and tried to get me to go with her someplace.” I winced as I thought it was too much of the truth. Too much truth and I’m pulling Lexa down with me.

 

“No, why are you still allowing her to come over, that is what I asked of you.” she nudged me to sit up, sliding from behind me to sit on the edge of the bed. Her scent changed as I felt anger waft over me from her, the emotion crashing into me and causing fear to tinge my own.

 

“I didn’t-”

 

She stood suddenly and started pacing, “I’m not going to lie, Klark. This worries me, Niylah being around at school is understandable, but letting her come to your home is something else. Do you now know what is said about her?” A shiver ran up her back and a growl escaped her lips.

 

“Lexa I don’t-”

 

“She’s trouble, Klark. And I want you nowhere near that anymore.”

 

If she only knew.

 

“Tel ai op hashta dison. Beja, ai hodnes.” (Tell me about this. Please, my love.) I pulled my legs up to my chest and tightly held them to me, making it hard to breath. Making it so it’d be harder to react if she said what I already know.

 

Lexa sighed, stopping her pacing for a brief second to look at me with mixed expression. “Anya said she knows the alpha to sell. I don’t know what, I don’t care enough to ask. I just want you away from that.”

 

She sells. Everyone knows Niylah to sell. I stared at Lexa, panic rising in my chest as I realized how much of the truth she has told people. She forces me to keep my mouth shut, beats me to keep my mouth shut but she can go around and tell people she sells. They probably think drugs and not other people.

 

A strangled giggle bubbled up my chest, hysteria flowing into my limbs as I fell over to my side and let it take over. She tells the truth yet I am one the lying.

 

“Klark, this is serious!”

 

She has no idea.

 

=

 

The rain pounding down on the concrete created a mist, graying out the school from the separate gym building. I looked on from the inside as people braved the wet coldness to make it to class, while others, like myself, stayed inside. I pressed a hand to the window as I watched Octavia sprint from a further down entrance with Lincoln right on her heels. A small smile made its way to my lips as I watched them try and race each other, Lincoln reaching for her bag and tugging lightly.

 

I almost envied them.

 

Almost.

 

“A mated omega, how sickening.” My breath caught in my throat as I recognized the voice immediately. My hands dropped to my sides and I tried to take a breath as I was becoming light-headed fast.

 

“Ontari…”

 

Her low chuckle startled me as it was right next to me, her shoulder bumping mine roughly. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Griffin? Mating on your heat? How low can you get. What kind of Alpha takes the womb of an Omega in heat?” Her voice was venomous, dripping with malice as she maneuvered us to a corner of the room, leaving the few straggling students to their own devices. 

 

The wall stopped us and she tore my backpack off my shoulders and pressed against me, sufficiently trapping me between a rock and a hard place. I gasped as something sharped pressed against my lower stomach. Worry clouding my eyes as I stared at her, the scar leading down from her left ear to her clavicle was prominent this close. I took a shaky breath, getting the knife pressed harder into me.

 

“Ontari, please. I didn’t mean for it to happen!” The cold blade pressed hard into me, then was dragged across my stomach, her free hand came up to stop the scream, covering both my nose and mouth.

 

“Quiet, I am the first to cut you, Wanheda. Nia will not be as kind as I.” At the mention of Wanheda, anger and sadness coiled together in my chest, I didn’t want this title put upon me. But seeing that my fuck ups are leading three or more people to their deaths. It was fitting.

 

She stepped away, an evil grin gracing her face as she licked the small blade clean of my blood. She concealed it almost immediately before glancing around, noting everyone else was still in the same spot we had left them in. Except one hidden, staring right at us. I looked away immediately and covered my stomach with my arm as Ontari kept her voice low, talking about how Niylah is back in home. That was code for lessons that Nia gave every one of her ‘lures’.

 

“Dison laik son swima op ona rein.” (This is a waste of time.) She scowled at me as anger filled the air around us. I took a tentative step back from her, stepping on the strap of my backpack and effectively tripping myself. I fell slowly, my eyes never leaving Ontari’s as the ground met my hands then my ass. She kneeled swiftly, as if concerned. “Nou ge ponk klin. Nia only uses the weak to fuel her business. You were safe unmated. Now you carry more deaths, Wanheda.”

 

She yanked me back to my feet and wrapped me up in a vice of a hug, air whooshed out of my lungs as she tightened her grip. “I’ll come get you tonight, Nia wants a meeting.” She let go and gave me a sickly sweet smile before taking off outside and disappeared towards the parking lot.

 

I let out a sigh that shook my bones before bending down and grabbing my backpack. I didn’t hear the anyone walk up, so when I turned back around surprise and fear gripped my throat as a young Alpha boy was standing not even a foot away from me.

 

“Did she hurt you?” His voice was low, cautious and scared as if he were afraid she were still around to hear.

 

“No, just a close friend.”

 

“She had a knife, we need to tell a teacher.”

 

Panic widened my eyes as I reached out to him before he could take off. “N-no it’s okay, really. I’m fine.”

 

Suspicion clouded his eyes, narrowing slightly as he scanned me slowly. I felt extremely uncomfortable as he looked me over, “I smell and see the blood. You need to see Nyko.”

 

“And you need to mind your own business, boy. I said I’m fine, so I’m fine. Leave me alone.” Anger fueled my words and I glared down at the young one. He took a step back as he lowered his eyes, he may be an Alpha and I an Omega, but I still had years on him and he was still so young.

 

“Sorry…” He muttered, running out into the downpour as if he had his tail tucked between his legs.

 

Running my fingers through my hair, I let out a exasperated sigh. I glanced at the others in the small room, having them look away immediately when I met their gaze with my own. Emotions started running rampant in me as I realized the show I just put on for them. Growling as I took off out the door the young Alpha just used, feeling the cold rain slap against me as the wind whipped my clothing and hair around.

  
I needed Lexa.


	9. Now It's Time I Let You Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I quickly wrote this, this very day and I don't have time to go back and read and edit and do all that but I'm pretty sure theres nothing worth warning. I don't write smut well, its kinna my downfall so I'm going to hint at it but not write it. um. Clexa + fluff = happy Terner and hopefully happy audience. I hope this sates a little part of your clexa thirst from my story and I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> thanks so much for the kudos and comments keep'em coming
> 
> and again, totesacceptable on tumblr is me, feel free to drop by and ask about the story!

_ Love can be dangerous. _

 

_ Love can be kind. _

 

_ Love can be fear. _

 

_ Love can be yours. _

 

_ But ultimately, It Is Weakness. _

 

_ I felt her hands ghost over my own, as if afraid to touch me. I sat still in the passenger seat waiting for her to speak, waiting for her to tell me what to do. But the shallow breaths and teeth clacking together told me she would rather not speak, she wanted too, but it was uncalled for here. I had my instructions, I had the basic information needed for this, I had my rules. _

 

_ But I was afraid. _

 

_ A feather light touch made my arm feel tingly, the sensation raising goose pimples up my arm and down the left the side of my body. I swallowed hard as I closed my eyes and waited for it to stop, but more touches ensued and I was being pulled into her. Strong arms wrapped around me as I found a position on her lap, straddling her without actually putting my weight on her. _

 

_ Her lips found a spot on my neck, sucking lightly as my hips involuntarily rolled into her, her hands finding purchase on my hips, roughly pulling me into her as her teeth scraped my skin eliciting a moan from me. _

 

_ I felt the throbbing start in my middle, my heart racing wildly as the heat slowly spreading as she moved her hands all over me. Palming my breasts through the too thin shirt, gripping my ass in the too tight shorts. Growling lightly as I pulled away when it became too much, became too painful. _

 

_ A tapping sound came from the other side of the car, and we pulled apart reluctantly. She licked her lips as she reached down and grabbed at something. I awkwardly crawled off her lap and slid into the passenger seat again, my heart racing still from her roughness. _

 

_ “I didn’t mean to get so rough, I just can’t get enough of you, Klark.” Tossing me a handkerchief, she gestured to my neck. Complying, I waited for her to tell me what to do next, if she wanted me to go out now or wait a little longer. _

 

_ “Chil au, wonwe noumou na kep yu klin. Yu tombom dula laud.” (Stay calm, only way to save you. Your heart beats loud.) _

 

_ “From who, you?” the words were out of my mouth before I could even process what she had just said. A low sigh answered me before she shoved the door open. _

 

_ “Teik em we.” (Take her away.) _

 

_ The door jerked open and hands grabbed at me, panic rose in me as a scream worked its way up my throat. _

 

I sat up with a gasp, the sheets pooling around my middle as I frantically looked around at my surroundings. Canvas, stool, brushes and paint tubes, lamp, sketch pad, dirty clothes piled on the floor, door ajar, and someone sleeping next to me.

 

I pressed myself to the wall, my heartbeat roaring loud in my ears as I looked at the person next to me. Their hair in a messy bun with loose braids here and there, tanned skin under a white tank top, my star quilt haphazardly strewn over their lower body.

 

“It’s okay, we’re safe.” the words flitted into the air as they moved from their position on their stomach to lay on their side facing me. Sleep very much present on their face.

 

Lexa.

 

I let out the breath I was holding and fell into her arms. Tears stung my eyes as I pressed my lips to her neck, hands grasping wildly at her night shorts trying to mold myself into her. I gasped quietly as the tears finally made an appearance.

 

Her arms tightened around me as I curled into a ball, my muscles growing weak from the nightmare,  and I felt heavy all over as she murmured gentle cooes and soft nothings into my hair. The heat coming from her was comforting, just as her calming pheromones flooded my senses, striking my core with tiredness.

 

I whimpered as she scooted us closer to the wall, her legs tangling with my own as the cold wall hit my back. “It’s okay, it was a dream. You’re here with me.”

 

=

 

“Anya always felt the need to suppress the wolf side of us, I mean she loves it but the stigma that wolves are just bloodlusting animals always hurt her. Humans back then and now….they don’t understand the freedom of being two spirited…”

 

I relaxed more into her lap, nipping at her stomach teasingly, “We’re two spirited?”

 

Her fingers deftly working intricate braids into my hair slowed slightly, “Well yeah, whatever gave us this ability and gift understood that that kind of power was too much for one’s spirit, so they gave us two.” her voice held a distant tone to it, as if she were thinking beyond her words.

 

Shifting slightly so I faced away from her, “It’s a curse.”

 

“Why?”

 

“You’re an Alpha, Lex, all you’ve known is how to deal power and fight. Omegas feel that power, forced to spread our legs for top dog. My body is only seen as a breeding vessel.”

 

Silence stilled the air around us, our breathing syncing up as anger and annoyance crept up my back.

 

“Your body is a temple that I wish to worship.” 

 

“Yeah well you should’ve thought to do that before you mounted me in my heat.” Sitting up, I made to move off the bed but everything blurred until I found myself pinned to the mattress with my head hanging off the edge.

 

“I gave into instinct, and for that I’m sorry. But I have wanted you for longer than you know, my love.” She dropped her head and pressed our foreheads together, sighing lightly as I tried to pull away. “I see you and certain things start to make sense. I see what I want to be, in you and it’s so goddamn attractive and alluring to me that I can’t help but act on the pull you have.

 

“I gravitate to you without thinking about it, I yearn to hear you speak about your passions. I want you in every way possible, Clarke. And I know you must feel at least an inkling of what I feel…” Shock spread throughout me as the words slowly made sense to me.

 

She sat up and looked down at me with a soft expression, a ghost of a smile on her lips as if she took my silence as a good sign. The tenderness in her expression sent shock waves of pleasure and happiness throughout me, but it created a sense of dread and hopelessness somewhere in me.

 

Am I too condemn this beautiful woman an early death as well?

 

Am I the undoing in my own life?

 

Clenching my teeth together, I sat up and wrapped my arms around her neck, pulling her into a bruising kiss because words have failed me, because the emotions coursing my veins seized my tongue, because I felt there was no better way to speak other than with action. She responded to the kiss by pulling me tighter to her, fixing our arrangement so my legs wrapped around her waist. Sitting back with me on her lap, tongue and teeth clashing in a frenzy of emotion.

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you…”

 

Tangling my fingers in her hair, scratching her scalp lightly, fingers grazing heated skin, whimpers and moans mixing in the air. I felt whole with her this close, this intimate. I didn’t feel like this was a duty or a job to finish. No, I felt loved and happy and safe. My second life was nothing but a distant memory when she was with me.

 

I pulled away, stopping her hands from their journey up underneath my shirt, “Lex, before we do anything else. We need to talk.”

 

The daze in her eyes slowly faded, her eyes steeling themselves into Commander mode. “Of course, safe sex is a first. I have condoms in my car-” I surged forward again to kiss her swiftly, stopping her from ranting.

 

“No I don’t care about that, I mean. I need to tell you something.”


	10. Time I Let You Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it begins.

_ Raven _

 

“Why do you think some alphas feel like mating with an omega in heat is like, a sin?” The question left my lips, stalling Anya a few seconds while she tied her boots.

 

She shrugged her shoulders and stood up, raising an eyebrow at me in response.

 

“Well, I mean like. After Clarke and Lexa mated, during the most obvious time, some kids at school sneer at them.”

 

“Trikru beliefs differ from modern times, babe. I call them traditionalists, they follow the order set by the first pack. An omega in heat is at their most powerful, they can bring even the strongest of alphas to their knees. The first pack believed that no one should hold that power, only strong alphas.” she kissed my cheek as she slid past to hurry to the kitchen.

 

“So why hate on Clarke? Lexa willingly did that, that’s all she talked about for a little bit there.”

 

“She’s still an Omega, as few of them there are she’s still holding a power over Alphas. C’mon Rae, think. Lexa asserted herself as top alpha in your class and Clarke has done what?” She glanced over her shoulder, “No like really, what has Clarke done?”

 

I moved to lean against the fridge as the sounds of pans clanking together ceased and food sizzling started, “She’s into art. Anatomy. I think she’s trying out for volleyball.”

 

Anya turned around with a sad smile, “See, Omegas make themselves scarce when an Alpha asserts themselves. Whether it be intentional or not, traditionalists see it as preparation to bring them down.”

 

Crossing my arms together, I started feeling the beginning of a headache coming on the more we spoke of this. “She hasn’t been that big into school functions or clubs or sports since middle school, she has me and a few other close friends. She’s not big on being publicly known.”  _ Especially since Niylah got to her... _

 

“Doesn’t matter, they see it the way they wanna see it. Her and Lexa may be mated, but she’s not out of the top.”

 

The silent ‘yet’ hung in the air between them, tension had slid into Anya’s shoulders as she cooked. Biting my bottom lip, frowning at the ground, a realization hit me, “No but she has a weakness now….”

 

Pointing the spatula at me with a wink, she nodded proudly and went back to making a quick breakfast.

 

“Why is this system even in place still? Alphas, Betas, Omegas. We’re all wolves.”

 

She groaned softly as if this was taking a larger toll on her than it was me. “Baby...Rae...seriously? Don’t belittle it. Betas and Omegas have it worse than you.”

 

“Which is why I’m questioning it! Nobody asked for this!”

 

“Be grateful you’re an Alpha!”

 

I pushed off the fridge and stormed towards my bag and shoes, anger rising in me, making sweat start on my back. “Oh yeah, I’m fucking grateful I can fend for myself while Clarke has to deal with this bullshit from Niylah.”

 

“Reivon! Hod op, beja!”

 

I slammed the door open, not sparing a look back. “I don’t speak that fucking language.”

 

=

 

Lexa stood in front of me with a confused expression as she crossed her arms, noises from a tv sounded from behind her. I awkwardly bounced on the balls of my feet as I looked everywhere but at her. I had already said why I was here,  _ Clarke is my best friend I wouldn’t hurt her on purpose, _ but she still stayed quiet.

 

She sniffed lightly, eyes widening a fraction as she looked me up and down. I groaned loudly, “Yes I know, I fucking stink. Downside of being off those oh so wonderful suppressants.”

 

“It’s not a stench rather your scent is stifling.”

 

“Look can you just let me inside, I wanna talk.”

 

She stepped aside, gesturing me in. I walked past her and into a wall of her scent. I stumbled a little as I tried to hold back the need to submit. I glanced around and noted two men passed out on the couches with the tv flashing wildly, casting shadows on their faces.

 

“Is that...Roan?”

 

She shouldered her way past me and nodded once, “Passed out drunk as usual.” Her voice monotone yet her aura was pulsing with anger. I nodded as I followed her to the back of the house and up the stairs.

 

“Chit yu gaf, Reivon?” She asked as soon as I closed the door behind us, a chill ran up my back as I looked around her room, her scent overpowering me finally.

 

My head turned and I exposed my neck before I could control myself, I quickly fixed my hair to make it seem like it wasn’t what it was. Though, her smirk sent a rock falling into my stomach.

 

“I don’t know what you said so, gonasleng?” She scoffed as she pinched the bridge of her nose lightly.

 

“You’re a strong Alpha, Raven. Why not speak the language of your heritage?”

 

I glared at the wall behind her, “Because this heritage is bullshit, mira...I just want to talk about Clarke?”

 

She stood straighter and the playful look was gone immediately, I was standing in the presence of the Commander now. “What of her?”

 

Making eye contact, I saw that she was worried and angry. Her emotions showing themselves in her eyes but her pose and expression reigned in perfectly. I studied her further and realized how similar she was to Anya, their wolves so close to the surface.

 

“I don’t know if you know about Niylah. But she’s...I...Lexa-”

 

I had started pacing, wringing my hands and fixing my hair as nervousness came over me. “Niylah…”

 

“Lexa, it’s, she’s someone. Fuck I don’t know how to explain this. Clarke loves her. But you’re WAY better for Clarke.”

 

“What do you know of their situation and why have you come to me about this?”

 

I glanced at her, seeing emotionless eyes staring at me. “Look, all I know is that Niy, she was or is into dealing. She had actually...I don’t know came onto me first, but then Clarke happened.” I ran my fingers through my ponytail before continuing, feeling the heat rise up my neck, “I’m just afraid that whatever she has going on with Clarke, it’s going to affect you too. And I want you to save her. She’s changed so much since meeting Niylah, I just want-”

 

“Stay out of it.”

 

I stopped, nearly tripping over my left foot to frown at her. “What? That’s my best friend, I only have-”

 

“Stay the hell out of it. She’s fine with me.”

 

Regret formed as a lump in my throat, was she connected to Niylah as well? I kept eye contact with her as she started towards me.

 

“You can worry about Clarke all you want, but keep it quiet. Do not bring attention to her or to Niylah. This is for her safety.” She grabbed my shoulders and turned me around to usher me out of the room. “And yours as well, just stick to Anya. That’s all you can really do.”

 

Questions started forming in my throat, but she quickly pushed me out of her room and slammed the door shut and  I was left with more anger and helplessness than before.


	11. Cold Summer Skies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Updates will be slow here on out, my apologies in advance being put on a new antidepressant is messing with me something terrible. I'm trying though
> 
> thanks for reading, it truly means a lot to me

_ Lexa _

 

I slammed the door open to Clarke’s room and was immediately hit with anger as the smell of male humans crashed into me. I saw her sitting under the window with a glazed look on her face, her eyes glassy and unfocused. I strode over to her and gently took her hands into mine, her skin waxy and cold. Keeping a close watch on her face I pulled her into my arms and lifted her up, noting the slight twitch of her eyebrows as she rested her head on my shoulder.

 

“I can't just sit idly and watch this destroy you, my love.” My words whispered into her hair spraymatted hair, alcohol and pool water clogging my nose as I inhaled her scent. “I have to do something, even if it's as little as telling Abby-”

 

Her hand connected with my right cheek so fast I barely felt the sting from the slap. I sat her down on the bed and kneeled in front of her.

 

“I am not bringing more people into this. I don't want more deaths under my command…”

 

“You are not Wanheda,” taking her hands into mine and rubbing my thumbs along hers, “Clarke I need to do something. It's killing me just standing by and letting it happen to you. Raven came by last night and-”

 

“This would've been her, you know. Niylah had talked about how her and I were so alike. But as an omega I…I'm forced to do this. An alpha would fight.” Her voice was grave and thoughtful. Almost as if she was imagining Raven in her position. I dropped my hands to her thighs, making her jump suddenly.

 

Holding my hands up and leaning away, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.”

 

Her eyes bored into mine as I looked up at her, tears making them sparkle in the low light of the setting sun. “They want you now. They want y-you and I-I'm sup-supposed to bring you to her. But I...I can't do that t-to you.” Her voice shook roughly, her body following almost immediately. Shock froze me as I fell back on my ass.

 

=

 

_ A loose strand of blonde hair obscured her eyes as she stared intently at the book in her hands, a ghost of a smile teasing her lips. The content expression on her face stirred the butterflies in my chest as I looked at her longingly. _

 

_ “Creeper.” Anya’s low voice sounded behind me as snickering accompanied her. _

 

_ A hissing sound from Octavia followed and Raven jumped into my view with an explosion sound. _

 

_ “I can't help it. She's just-” _

 

_ “‘So beautiful.’” _

 

_ “‘Her scent is vexing.’” _

 

_ “‘Those blue eyes capture my soul!’” _

 

_ I clenched my fist and threw a punch at whoever was on my right, my eyes never leaving Clarke. My hand connected with something hard and a groan answered me. _

 

_ “The fuck, Woods?” Lincoln shoved my arm away as he rubbed his chest. “I wasn't teasing you.” _

 

_ I mumbled a half assed apology and glanced back to where Clarke was sitting. Disappointment hit me hard as I saw Niylah’s arms wrapped around her shoulders, her face buried into her neck as if in greeting. Disappointment turned into heated anger and jealousy the longer I kept staring. _

 

_ Raven slid into view, the back of her head capturing my attention. “Yo Clarke! C’mere!” her booming voice echoing across the small courtyard. Niylah looked up immediately as did Clarke, my gaze catching hers in a flash. The grin on her face turned into a full blown smile, gums and everything showing. My heart started racing and sweat slicked my palms. _

 

_ I didn’t notice Niylah’s reaction, just that she pulled Clarke towards the opposite way of us, as if she didn’t want Clarke leave her side now. _

 

_ Raven waved her arms wildly, trying to coax them to us, but Niylah leaned down to Clarke’s ear and whatever was said, the smile and happiness drained instantly from Clarke’s features, and she hurriedly got up and followed Niylah back into the school. _

 

_ “They get weirder and weirder the longer they’re together.” Raven shook her head and turned back to us, guilt and sorrow shadowing her face. _

 

_ “She’d be WAY better off with you, Commander. Niylah’s vibes rub me wrong.” _

 

_ “For sure! I’ve only seen her in one class so far this year, Photography.” _

 

_ Someone nudged me, their scent filling my nose. “What’s wrong?” I glanced to my left, Octavia. I shrugged and started picking up my bag and books. _

 

_ “I just want to talk to her, but everytime she’s alone, she’s not really. Niylah is always around.” I looked up as Raven scoffed, a scowl set on her face. Frowning, I stood up and started for the closest entrance, trying to get Niylah and Clarke out of my head. _

 

My eyes were fixated on the wall behind Clarke, “We can leave. We can...run away. I can get you away from this.” Even as the words flitted into the air between us, I knew I was wrong. Neither of us moving for a period, staring off into empty space between us. I didn't know how to respond or act.

 

“It's Nia Haven.”

 

“The fuck? She's doing this to you?” I forced myself to stand and stay still even though the need to shift was ever present in my blood, boiling to the point of pain and aches. The foggy need to wrap Clarke up in my arms was second to the need to protect and save her. A growl rumbled in my chest as she flinched away from me.

  
My fingers twitched as I fought off the need to touch her, “I'm getting you out of here. You have to give me a couple days but Clarke,” kneeling in front of the bed, reaching out to her, “You’re going to be safe.”


	12. Days We'll Survive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *SHOOTING AND DEATH* *mild mention of panic attack* be careful.
> 
> I'm currently drugged up and fighting a chest cold so hopefully this makes sense, if not i apologize and i do plan on re-editing this series after i'm done with it to better explain a lot of it. it's hurriedly written and poorly edited as of now so. Get it out and get it clean later, thats my motto lol oh god i'm sorry for any mistakes. please enjoy.
> 
> *EDIT i forgot to name it lol

_ Wick grabbed my arm and pulled me to the front of the limo, sitting me in front of the partition where Nia was on the other side. His grave expression carved something hollow in me. The cold leather grabbed my heated skin. Shivers made my teeth chatter slightly as the car moved along at a steady pace. _

 

_ Nia’s throaty laugh shocked me as the window rolled down, “My little Omega, your job tonight is very, very, important to me,” The leather squeaked as she turned in the seat, “This man that has booked you for the night is threatening the business. My bosses aren’t too happy with him now. He thinks he can flash around those bills and we’ll do his bidding but oh my dear, we have a surprise for him.” _

 

_ She reached for me, fingers gliding down the left side of my face as an evil smirk settled on her face. I stilled the shudder that threatened to make me pull away from her. I dared a glance at Wick as he shifted uncomfortably from the tension that now filled the entire limo. _

 

_ “What do you want me to do?” _

 

_ I knew what my role tonight was, look pretty and let him do whatever the hell he wanted. But Nia never came to my rendezvous with clients, no matter how much they paid for me. So tonight was different, no matter what she told me. _

 

_ The smirk turned into a thoughtful lopsided grin, making her hawk like features turn soft for a brief second. Trust stirred in my gut as I watched her transform in front of me. But that was gone the second she let out a peal of laughter, “Oh my dear Clarke, what is it you do every time with a client? Sit and look pretty with that fake innocence I know you can muster. That’s all your body is good for.” _

 

_ I swallowed the anger that bubbled up, biting the side of my tongue harshly to let the irony blood flood my mouth. ‘ _ Think of Niylah. Do this for her. _ ’ _

 

=

 

_ I was pushed roughly into the soft loveseat, Wick brushing by as he tucked his gun into in his belt. I glared at him as he settled himself by the door leading out of the hotel suite. Looking around, I noted the room that Nia had disappeared into with two other guards. My eyes finally fell onto the out of place lamp that was on the table in between where I was sitting and the longer white couch. It was hiding a small microphone that Nia had placed, she didn’t tell me why but I figured this guy was going to try and buy me for himself. And she wanted proof. _

 

_ Biting my lower lip, I stared at the back of the couch and tried to imagine myself elsewhere. Back in the limo, back outside my home, hell even back at school. Anywhere other than this reality. _

 

_ A soft knocking sounded before the door was timidly opened. Wick grabbed the person and quickly pulled them in, a growl rumbling in his chest, “This is supposed to be your goddamn room. What the hell are you knocking for?” _

 

_ “S-sorry. I forgot the key.” Wick snarled at him as he shoved him towards the middle of the room, towards me. _

 

_ “Remember the rules? Cash first, she doesn’t talk, don’t make her talk, and no leaving marks on her. The skin on her is worth more than both of your lives.” His voice lowered as he stared down at the short man, threatening him with his pheromones. Though as a human, he didn’t sense that, just that he was intimidating as hell and he needed to listen to him. _

 

_ I shifted slightly as he stumbled closer to me, nodding quickly to Wick’s words. “Hi, do I introduce myself or…” _

 

_ I raised an eyebrow at him as he frowned down at me. _

 

_ “Money.” The low growl from Wick was almost indistinguishable but it made the man hurry and pat his pockets. Producing a sizable wad of cash, he tossed it to Wick and sat down across from me. _

 

_ “You’re really pretty, I wasn’t expecting this.” His voice was soft and admiring. _

 

_ I gave him a smile, hoping it was convincing enough for him. _

 

_ “I uh...I didn’t realize that we would have an audience…” I immediately looked at the lamp that was hiding the tiny microphone, sweat forming on my brow and down my back as I waited for him to continue. “Can you leave…?” _

 

_ “No.” Wick’s reply sounded immediately and the guy shrank in his seat. _

 

_ He patted his thighs as if to muster up some courage, I glanced between him, the lamp, Wick, and the room Nia was in. My throat was dry and sore, my eyes burning from not blinking, and my body hot from the anxiety building up inside me. _

 

_ “Okay well...Is your name Clarke?” I was looking at the door behind him when he asked and I had to school my expression immediately, slowly clenching my teeth together. What the fuck is happening? _

 

_ I saw Wick take a small step forward out of the corner of my eye. Teeth bared in a silent snarl. I looked at the man in front of me and tilted my head a little, trying for a confused expression. _

 

_ “Clarke...I hope this is you, I can help you out of this. I can get you out.” He jumped to his feet and reached for me, producing handcuffs out of nowhere and slapping it on my wrist then his own. The action blurring for me as I registered what he was saying. Wick was on us in the same second, trying to tear him off of me. _

 

_ The doors burst open and Nia stalked out of the room, anger evident on her. I was frozen in place as they converged on the man, yanking me out of the seat, painfully twisting my arm this way and that. I let out a scream but was quickly covered with a large hand. _

 

_ “This is sick what you’re doing! It’s wrong to exploit these teenagers like this!” _

 

_ “And it’s noble of you to pose as a client of theirs to free them?” Nia’s slick voice cooled the air immediately, silencing the struggle effectively. _

 

_ “You’re going to hell for this. Let her choose! Did she have a choice in the beginning? Let her have one now!” The man yelled in Nia’s face, spit flying out of his mouth. Blood reddened his face and neck as he struggled with the handcuffed arm that was linked with mine. _

 

_ He pulled harshly and I stumbled out of the person’s hold and next to Nia. I whimpered slightly as I lowered my gaze. _

 

_ “She’s always had a choice in the matter, and it’s clear what she choose.” _

 

_ “Clarke, I can help you out of this, I can save you. You’re going to be safe.” _

 

_ They both spoke at the same time, their words running together in my ears, making me wince from the intensity. I felt Nia’s sharp gaze on the side of my head, her hands grabbing my shoulders and pulling in front of her roughly. _

 

_ “Little Omega…” _

 

_ Words left me, leaving me speechless and oddly naked. Anxiety slowly taking over and hyperventilating caused black spots to outline my vision. _

 

_ “Clarke, please.” _

 

_ ‘ _ You have to love me more than you love yourself. _ ’ _

 

_ I dropped my head against Nia’s arm and started sobbing, her laugh shook her body thus shaking me slightly. She nudged me forward and lovingly stroked my face. “My little omega…” _

 

_ She kissed my forehead and turned me around, tears still streaming down my face making the caked on makeup run as well. I looked at the man now, defeat sagging his shoulders. _

 

_ Just as he was about to say something, Wick pulled out his gun and shot twice. Something wet splattered across my face, making me flinch back into Nia. _

 

_ The dull thud barely reached my ears, but the second I opened my eyes again and saw the man lying in a crumpled heap on the floor, I felt the scream tear its way out of my throat. _

 

_ = _

 

Fear had seized my body, my eyes opening and seeing darkness. Pain was shooting up my right arm and it felt like a fire had engulfed my hand. I tried to sit up but something was holding me down, making terror flood my system as my fight or flight instincts kicked in.

 

“Whoa hey, hey Clarke it’s okay.” Lexa’s groggy voice didn’t register in my mind as I tried to get out from underneath her.

 

I started thrashing around as the terror built, muscles tensing and fists clenching. I struggled to twist myself so I was on my knees but the second I did, strong hands threaded through my hair and soft lips met mine in a scowl of a messy kiss.

 

All the anger, all the terror and fear, left me the second those soft lips kissed me. It wasn’t hasty or needy, just soft and gentle. Something I forgot to have in my life until Lexa elbowed her way into it.

 

I sank from my knees to barely catching myself with my hands, to finally just allowing myself to drop and rest on top of her. Her fingers graze my cheeks softly, breath puffing lightly against my mouth. I kept my eyes closed as I nudged her head to side so I could nuzzle her neck, a swift calm blanketing my body as I let her close.

 

“It’s okay, I got you. You’re safe.”

 

As much as I want to believe that. I’m not and I feel like won’t ever be.


	13. Drown My Sorrows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time, no update. I had to take a break and just think about this story and how it was effecting me, sometimes people wait to talk about the trauma that happened to them, bury it and wait to cross that bridge when it comes. Others are stronger and let it all out, and hope it helps others in similar situations. I don't know where I fall on that spectrum, It's been years since it happened, but I don't want my story with my name and face out there to help others, I am very afraid still. Idk when I'll update or if I'll have a schedule. I only have a few more chapters for this. Thank you for the views (13,500+!) and kudos (221!), I didn't expect this much attention for this particular fic. It's subject some people take a little too lightly.
> 
> Thank you so much again

The cold morning air created a gentle silence around me as if I were the only one awake before sunrise. The small animal sounds hadn't started yet, early bird may get the worm if the worm were awake at this ungodly hour. The street lamps were surrounded in a thick fog, making the distance between each one seem even greater.

 

What danger lurked in these small patches of darkness?

 

I scoffed as I wrapped my arms tighter around me, “Only I, the lone omega.”

 

The cold had settled in my bones, the air stilling my heated breath. My feet had since gone numb not twenty minutes into my walk.

 

Where was I walking? To the only place my body knew where safety was. Why am I walking? Vehicles held nothing but terrible memories for me. Well, that and I didn't know how to drive yet.

 

I sniffed roughly, the cold breaching my nostrils to strike my throat harshly. I let out a cough as I stumbled to the side from surprise. I didn't hear the car stop down the road from me. But I saw the headlights turn off. I stood straighter as I picked up my pace. There were no houses near me, an empty woodsy road for another mile or two before civilization made an appearance.

 

My leisurely walk turned brisk as voices made their way to me. They wanted their presence known to me. I didn't want to break into a run like my brain was screaming at me to do but instead turned sharply into the forest. This was either a grand idea or rather idiotic one. It really depends on if the people following me ran forests regularly or were city wolves. Or even human.

 

As soon as I broke into the treeline I took off into the sprint my body was dying for. Branches smacked into me, the sting from the impact not lasting an even second before adrenaline spiked in my system.

 

“Fuck.” My right foot slipped as my left leg got caught on a particularly sharp branch. My jeans ripping as if they were made from tissue paper.

 

I heard the people crashing through the trees, humans. I thanked whatever gods there were before jerking myself out of the situation I was stuck in and took off again, this time aiming to silence my steps.

 

Their yells reached me but still seemed far away. Two men asking which way I had gone. One ready to give up whilst the other got more determined.

 

I took a sharp left and settled into a nice jog as I left them behind with their useless looking.

 

=

 

Sweat drenched the collar of my shirt as I stumbled to a stop in front of the sleeping house. I sniffed lightly, catching Lexa’s scent immediately. Along with her scent were three other alphas. Ones I didn't recognize and I felt worry drop into my empty stomach.

 

I stepped carefully up the stairs and glanced at the windows for any signs of life. Dark. Black as pitch.

 

I walked back down the stairs and snuck around to the back, looking at every open window. I growled as none seemed illuminated.

 

A corner windowed looked to be open slightly, but it was on the second story and there was no way conceivable to climb up. I glanced around on the ground level, peering into windows.

 

“I feel like a creep, honestly.” I whispered as I bent down and gathered a few small pebbles. “Whatever gods are watching over me tonight, let this be my mates….”

 

I tossed the first rock and heard it make contact with a window. A loud pounding sound happened almost immediately and I started for the back porch.

 

“Klark?” The harsh whisper broke my stride and I stumbled into a heap on the ground with a grunt 

 

=

 

“I told you I was just picking up some clothes before heading back.” Her tone was low, eyes downcast. She hasn't looked me in the eyes once since she led me up to her bare room.

 

Three large suitcases were lined up neatly along the end of her Queen bed. Boxes piled in the opposing corner with her name on them. I looked around the room with hazy eyes, taking in the condition of her room. I didn't see much of the rest of the house but something told me it was nearly bare as well.

 

“What's this?” I walked over to the suitcases and dragged a finger across the top of them.

 

“Clarke-”

 

A laugh bubbled up out of my throat. Closing my eyes, I tried to swallow the pain that had started in my chest. The dull throb keeping pace with my lethargic heartbeat.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

A sigh filled the all too empty air between her and I. “I got offered a scholarship from Polis Uni. I…I was going to tell you during the summer but they also offered a spot at the prep school.”

 

I looked at the headboard of her bed and saw the Lady Grounders stickers covering it. She's been working for this since middle school, I recalled.

 

“You're going to be a Lady Grounder…” my voice cracked and a swell of emotion hit me as I struggled to breathe. How the hell do you breathe?

 

Her hands fell to my waist as she leaned her head against mine. She was the picture of guilt and regret.

 

I fell into the embrace and let the tears fall. I didn't want to ask. She didn't want me to ask. I heard her sniffle as she tightened her hold on me. Pain surrounded us in a small bubble and I let it wash over me like letting an old friend hug you.

 

“I don't want-”

 

“I leave Sunday.”

 

It's Friday.

 

I go with Niylah this weekend.

 

I get left this weekend.

  
Who was going to help me save myself now?


	14. Everywhere I'll Go

**3 weeks later**

 

“She looks nothing like the pictures.”

 

“Excellent perception. Our little Anna here is a rarity. An omega.”

 

“Sure you thinkin’ right, ma'am? I thought omegas were common amongst you...animals.”

 

I kept still, staring at the corner of the couch the man was sitting on. The cream color started to make my eyes strain, the pattern was almost invisible. I didn’t have to school my expressions anymore, didn’t have to keep myself in check, I didn’t even have to listen to Niylah layout rules anymore. It was straight home after school, put my homework in order of importance, do said homework, then tell whoever was home at the time that I was going to bed, and then promptly climb out my window and walk two streets over to get into the waiting vehicle.

 

Before it was a struggle with me, someone would have to come to my window and take me. Now. I was a willing participant in this game. I had to become one, the consequences for losing a target, Lexa, were bigger than just punishing me.

 

Niylah growled lightly at the slur, “Omegas are rare, Betas being more common than any of the classes. You asked for an observation, you had it, now decide. Is this the one for the night?”

 

The hollowness of her voice used to sadden me, anger me, get some sort of rise of emotion out of me but as of lately, with Lexa venturing off to Mountain Home for Polis University. I can't care about anything. I couldn’t care about anything other than putting my mother’s and friends’ lives above mine. I truly have to love everyone else more than I do my own self. And it was breaking me.

 

I felt his eyes drag down my body as if it were his meaty hands trying to get my clothes off in one fell swoop, the heaviness of his sight on me dragged a sigh out of me.

 

A second set of eyes fell on me.

 

I broke a rule.

 

=

 

The tension in the motionless car had started getting to me. The meeting ended almost an hour ago. He declined and picked a newer guy. Switching it up seemed to excite him just as much as getting the small wolf alone.

 

But Niylah brought me to the car immediately after, getting a guard to go over the details with the client. She had taken a strong grip on my shoulder in front of everybody, fingernails digging into my skin almost drawing blood. No one asked what I had done when she announced I was off for the night. The malice in her voice was enough to make everyone stay away. Dread had draped over my body as I realized I might be getting punished for making a sound out of turn.

 

Yet. She sat across from me with her one leg over the other and hands folded neatly on her lap. Picturesque. There were no anger or tension vibes coming from her as she stared outside. Not even much as a glare from her. The difference from her inside the hotel to her out here was drastically dizzying. The anger pheromones she had put out was stifling in there, making me want to submit right there and apologize for seeming bored in the meeting.

 

“You know. Nia wants to move you up. She sees something in you that she likes. I tried to fight it.” She glanced at me with glazed eyes. “I don't want that for you.” Her tone was empty, hollow like the glazed look on her face. 

 

The leather squeaked as she slid forward, eyes downcast as she moved to a kneeling position in the limo. Her hands were steady as she reached out and clenched my thighs. My heart rate started racing as she lowered her head to my lap.

 

“I didn't mean to turn you into this. To make you do all this.”

 

The breath left me as she lay in my lap, I felt trapped. This was a trap. I don't know how but it was. I didn’t know how to react, my hands were frozen at my thighs, my eyes trained on her back, and fear tightening my throat. I didn’t feel any threatening vibes off her, she wasn’t anything.

 

“I’ll get you out of this, Clarke.”

 

=

 

_ “We both hate this equally, the timing is amazing,” I scoffed a little, a small smile on my lips as I let the tears fall, “But it’s also an escape route for you.” _

 

_ “I can’t es-” _

 

_ “We have to try. I gotta protect you in anyway I can and if making a home for you two states away is the best way.” _

 

_ She wasn't strong enough for this. She was scared of what I brought to her. The thought slapped itself across my face with an icy palm. Have I chosen wrong, mate wise? “You just can't handle this…” _

 

_ Fingers dug into my hips roughly, pain racing up and down my body, “Goddamn it, Klark. I'm not leaving you. I can't. I won't. I don't want too but it's the best chance you have at getting out of this bullshit. I need you to know that I love you.” _

 

_ Gentle fingertips replaced the nails, soothing the clutched area. I stiffened as she pressed her lips lightly against my hair. I never thought of getting out of this. A peal of laughter shocked Lexa a step back, it never occurred to me that I could leave. Not with the threats of death hanging over my head. So many lives were mixed up in the water with mine now. A single wrong move from me could suck us all down the drain. A restless slumber. _

 

_ “You're strong enough to handle whatever they throw at you. You're not a typical omega. You can tell people about this and not put anyone in harm's way.” _

 

_ You're strong. _

 

Indra had handed out papers to the other students, her eyes seeking me out every few steps. I had sat down in her class a minute after the bell rang, heavily. This was the class Lexa and I shared. I didn’t listen to her as she instructed to get ready for a test, I had just sat there staring at the empty seat across from me.

 

I wanted to smother myself with the feeling of betrayal that creeped up on me every time I remember Lexa, I wanted to let it take over my feelings for her. But I wouldn’t or couldn’t let it do that. As much as I wanted to hate her for leaving me here to fend for myself, I knew she was right.

  
But how long will I have to endure this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything after chapter 15 is written out or the very least plotted out, the reason for saying so, that since it's so close to the end (and i don't plan on a sequel or anything so please do not ask because my willpower is WEAK) is that I do plan on updating tuesdays after this update. latest wednesdays. so a plan is in place, hopefully.
> 
> Also there's going to be a HUGE time jump soon, like at least a three years, forewarning now. I kind of set it in place here with the 3 weeks but weeks and years aren't exactly the same lol I tried to portray the feeling of helplessness mixed with determination in Clarke, idk if i did or not, let me know.
> 
> just let me know what y'all think, in my head the story is already over and I'm pretty happy with it, but I want to know what y'all are expecting/wanting
> 
> like I said, lemme know :)


	15. A Little Deeper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting last week, my cousin needed a place to move into short notice so we spent all last week moving her into my one bedroom apartment (i turned it into a three bedroom, boom) and then work. So this is hastily written (just the ending) and unedited (all of it, anyone wanna beta? lol) but otherwise I think its okay? I hope it is? the ending is coming up and I am afraid. I'm just afraid.
> 
> but enjoy? I'm sorry this doesn't make sense, its not concise, timelines are weird, ages aren't spoken (to fix that, Anya is a senior, Lexa a junior, and the 100 are freshmen/sophomores. Clarke being a freshmen, i think i made her a sophomore but she's supposed to be a freshman. and niylah and ontari are mid 20s. nia is old AF. and thats it. i think lol) but i did want to go through and reedit all the posted chapters before i finish it, idk if i can or will have time. but if thats a thing that is wanted, i will try my hardest to do it.
> 
> just let know what y'all think.

A soundless scream stilled my movements. Sharp tendrils slowly taking over my body as I lay tangled in the sheets on the cold bed. Prickles of pain numbing the parts of my body that touched the bed, hands frozen in claws as I let the wave of pain crash over me to run its course. My first heat without Lexa here.

 

Gasping as the pain receded finally, barely. The more tolerable the time between each wave depended on the air I breathed. Or rather choked on. The phone had long fallen on the floor and I heard Lexa’s low groans now.

 

“You're…a dick. Lexa Woods…”

 

A sullen chuckle answered me before a growl tore through the speaker. Her rut was no less painful, I'm assuming.

 

“I didn't factor this in. FUCK!” Her growl stirred want in my stomach as I rolled onto my stomach, shoving off the pillows and blankets from my reach, feeling the coolness of the bed against my heated skin. My core ached terribly as I writhed helplessly around.

 

My body tensed as another wave of pain crashed over me, flashes of light appearing the longer I kept my eyes open. With a groan I clenched my eyes shut, my hand shooting down between the bed and my body, fingers finding my soaked center. I cried out as I brushed my overly sensitive clit. Grinding my hips into my hand as I gasped out the relief that smacked into me.

 

My name was being slurred out in a mantra as Lexa handled herself on the other end of the line, her groans getting deeper and louder the longer I panted and whimpered my relief.

 

“I can't...do this…”

 

The apology that was drowned in a growl was the last thing said before the call ended.

 

=

 

I was sitting on the back porch with my head in my hands, almost curling in on myself as the cool breeze played teasingly with my loose hair. Goosebumps traveled across my arms and legs. The cold was a welcome relief from being cooped up in my room, suffering with heat and pain taking control of me.

 

The footsteps coming towards me had dread pushing down on my shoulders. I didn't want to look up and see them. I didn't want to hear them.I just didn’t want to deal with anything at the moment.

 

A pair of light blue Nikes stopped in front of me, I glared at their shoes as they started to move to sit next to me on the stairs.

 

“Your heat is done. How was it without your alpha?” Their scent hit me just as I realized who it was.

 

Ontari.

 

“They let you out of your kennel so soon?” Finn had told me she had shifted in front a guest not too long ago, her anger presided over her too much lately. A swift smack to the back of my head answered me, I let out a small groan as I lifted my head to look out to the yard.

 

“You start again tomorrow, Niylah will be at the usual pick up spot. You are seeing three customers though, since it’s the weekend and I’m sure you already told your mom about staying over at someone’s house for it. Who is the designated sleepover partner?”

 

“No one, I haven’t told her.”

 

Silence settled between us as her tapping on her phone slowed down as if to take in my answer. Or giving me time to change it to something suitable. She hummed as the tapping picked up again, the sound of multiple messages being sent and received sounded before the clicking sound of the phone being locked stopped it all. She brought her legs up to sit cross legged, letting her hands drop gracefully into her lap as she looked out to the leaf covered lawn, the mix of golds and reds imitated lava almost, motionless and empty.

 

The silence and calm that settled between us had relaxed me significantly and I almost felt the need to rest against Ontari.

 

“Niylah is lost. I'm trying my hardest to do everything I can to bring her back but…it's always you she comes back to.” her sigh was almost lost with a gust of wind, but the heaviness of it crashed into me full force. What Niylah has done is unforgivable, but I can’t help but let the small part of me that still loves her, take control when she is in need of help.

 

I tried to speak, but the lump in my throat threatened to choke me when I tried. I wanted to reach out to her, but my body was buzzing with warnings of danger close to me, the fine hairs on the back of my neck rising every few seconds. But I sat there, right next to her, not wanting to move, and not being able too.

 

Everything blurred as I was being pulled backwards by my shirt, my scream lodged itself in my chest as I struggled against her hold. My knees hit the doorframe I was yanked through, feet scrambling against the wood floor of the kitchen. I reached up and clawed at her hands but to no avail.

 

“Why do you have to make everything difficult? You have one task and it is to comply. All we fucking ask for is your goddamn body, Clarke.” She tossed me against a wall, making stars burst into my vision. Her knee slammed into my left shoulder and I cried out, slipping against the wall as I feebly grabbed my arm. “We tell you to do something and you comply. How hard is it when all you have to do is tell your mother that you're spending the night at a friends?”

 

She kneeled in front of me and reached out to stroke my cheek, I flinched away but her fingers pinched my ear and yanked my head back in place. Her other hand came up and long fingers tangled in my hair, forcing me to look up. She leaned in close and let her lips skim across my throat, tongue darting out randomly. I let out a shudder as she pressed into me, straddling my thighs, pushing us into the wall.

 

Teeth roughly nipped at my skin and I yelped as I jerked my head back, bumping into the wall harshly.

 

Her chuckle was low as stars danced in my vision, “You want this?” She roughly shoved her hand between us and forced her way between my thighs to cup my aching middle. The pleasure that courses through me made me sick. Her throaty laugh caused hot puffs of breath to coat my skin, mint and coffee hitting my nose as she leaned upwards to kiss my cheek.

 

“If only you weren't used up.”

 

=

 

Two weeks until summer vacation.

 

Two weeks until my freshman year is over and the next page of my life starts. I would say chapter, but I feel like this ordeal with the trafficking and Niylah and Ontari and Nia. It’s going to be a long chapter. A long, tiring, arduous chapter filled with empty memories and pain. I always thought of myself as a fighter to anything bad that came my way, I fought my depression when my father died, I fought my mother’s depression at the same time. I felt I was strong enough to stop anything.

 

But love.

 

Love is tricky. It is a weakness as it is a strength. But most of the time, I just want it to be the cause of my death.

 

Niylah glanced at the dress that I was wearing with such intensity that I felt as if her stare was burning my skin. I tried not to fidget under the stare, but being backed up against a wall with her in front of me was fidget worthy.

 

“The dark red suits you, we should get more of this colour for you.” her voice was hoarse, as if she just down a fifth of whiskey and half a pack of cigarettes. I took a tiny step to the right, humming in agreement with her. The tension that was now between us was stifling and I wanted to get away. “Ontari will escort you to the house, I’ll take you home after.”

 

She backed up and ran her hands down her clothes, flexing her fingers as if in an attempt to rid herself of the situation. A shiver ran down my spine as I was finally out her space.

 

She turned and started for the door, really ridding herself of the situation. Her tone was cold and harsh as she lowly spoke, “You’re almost out of this, just stay out of trouble.”

 

I watched her receding figure leave, something resonating in me, rising fear and suspicion. How was I supposed to know that, that was the last time I was going to see her until senior year, or that Nia had been forced to separate us on account of Niylah trying to protect me.

  
How was I supposed to know?


	16. The Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So late I'm sorryyyyyy work and work and work and then I got sick and now I'm under a pile of three blankets not able to sleep due to coughing. So I edited and rewrote this part. It's like 1:15am here and I'm bored.
> 
> Major time jump from last part, some info for in between the chapters. It was a solid routine. They broke Clarke of her rebellious habits. She did as told and nothing happened. Now it's graduation time and things get fucked up.
> 
> It's hard writing this like I said before. The thing with Lexa didn't happen for me. I didn't have someone in the know about my life then so it's hard writing that perspective. I have people now fighting life with me, people who care immensely about me. Some days it's not enough. Some days I stumble back and turn into that emotionless shell of a person and ignore everyone. And it hurts. I don't know what's worse, being able to detach so easy or the rush of emotions when I'm brought back.
> 
> Anyway. You know I'm sick when I'm willing to leave that mess of words above. Ha. Enjoy? It's also really short. I'm sorry I suck

3 years later

  
I held the package loosely as I walked through the empty hallways, the plastic wrapping crackling with each of my slow steps. I clutched the bag tightly as I glanced around the halls that were decorated with banners and such, ‘good luck seniors!’ ‘This is just the beginning!’

  
The familiar squeeze around my heart happened when I thought of my future. My steps slowed as I thought more of it, my future of being forced to fuck older men who paid whatever price was over my head at the time. But the dread and fear that use to come over me never appeared. It hasn't for a long time now.

  
The rows of lockers that had more decorations on them caught my attention, eyes tracing the designs. I was easily distracted now, my only escape was my art.

  
Bringing the package up to my chest, I hugged it tightly as if it were someone. It was my cap and gown, paperwork with it for a feathering and honoring ceremony the Native American students also celebrated. Apparently they figured I had some sort of native ancestors. I wasn't going to attend, I didn't want to honor this time I was given to live. Who honors this pains?

  
When you went in willingly.

  
I shook the emotions off me, way too easily might I add, before starting for the exit again. Finn was supposed to pick me up down the road, he would be angry to wait for than a few minutes.

  
I've been tossed between him, Wick, and Echo. They weren't great at keeping the boundaries with the clients, except Wick. He understood that most of what they asked for was sick and twisted. He understood my reluctance to most of the things. But the second they raised their money on me, he let it go. I was just collateral damage. Expendable. But not useless. Well...now I was considered useless when it came to wolf clients. My scent put them off, made them angry, uncomfortable.

  
I haven't seen Lexa in a few months, but each time I did, she renewed her mark. Nia hated she couldn't find the alpha responsible for marking me, hated that she had no control over that aspect in my life, but she hated losing those wolfkind clients more. They paid more for omegas to fuck and leave. A lot more than a human would pay for me.

  
As punishment, she increased my clientele by five. I was being used at least every other day. Most of the time it was fucking, but other godsend meetings, it was simple cuddling and therapy type sessions. Old white men have a lot of bottled up feelings they can't control, and a pretty face who listens intently is all they need to break down.

  
I wasn't allowed to speak, wasn't allowed to make any noise. If I did, it was immediate punishment. And then the attending guard reports it to Nia, who in turns punishes me more. I never quite figured out why I wasn't allowed to talk or anything, I just knew any noise and I was beaten.

  
The air cooled my heated skin as I stepped outside, the relief making my eyes flutter closed. I still felt like I was underwater, the air sluggishly being pulled into my lungs as if each inhale was unwanted.

  
The walkway was full of dropped bags and shoes, the younger students taking advantage of the last day with snow cone sales and the like. Futile, aimless, useless, trivial, lack of meaning antics that they were indulging in had no inclination effect on me. But I wanted it too. I wanted to be normal. I wanted to have no agenda other than to live.

  
To live.

  
I frowned as I walked hastily up hill and hurried down the roadway to the church just a block over just as I saw a sleek blue car pull into the parking lot. We were both running late.

  
=

  
Finn sat across from me in the clinic, his posture one of relaxation. I tried to mimic his nonchalant manner by stretching my legs out but the feeling felt wrong.

  
His head fell to his hand as he stared at me with a blank expression, his gaze heavy on my skin as I tried not to squirm from it. “You know...Niylah was asking after you.”

  
Rigidness set in my bones as I heard her name. Pain radiated from my spine outward, making my stomach clench as bile worked its way up my throat.

  
“Yeah, but just asked about the client's satisfaction. ‘How's Clarke’s rating? I haven't heard much from that unit.’” His tone was mocking of Niylah’s voice. His airy voice couldn't compare to hers. But his effort in trying to copy it still had an effect on me, slight but an effect nonetheless. Prickles of pain slowly danced around my body as I thought longer in what the question could have meant.

  
“She's in New York preparing for you. Nia decided you're worth it. Aw don't look so down, Clarke. You'll be back with that alpha soon. The one on your neck will be nothing but a memory from high school,” he picked up a magazine and peered inside, feigning interest in it, “That's all she's good for anyway, Lexa. A high school fling is all she's worth from what I saw.”

  
I had stopped breathing.

  
=

  
The sound of my sandals slapping the concrete sidewalk was all that rang in my ears as I sprinted home the second Finn drove off. Fear gripped my throat in a vice grip as I had only one thought and person in my mind. My house sped into view and I felt the tears break free and streak down my face. Sobs choked out of my mouth as I scrambled inside.

  
Taking the stairs two at a time I bounded into my room and slammed the door shut with a wild gasp for air. Grabbing my phone from the bed I shakily brought up Lexa's name and hit call. My sobbing now full fledged as I sat precariously on the edge of my bed waiting for her to pick up.

  
“Hello, my love-”

  
“Why am I doing this? It's hopeless. I'm gonna die.” My throats clenched around a knot and I choked on the sob. My muscles stopped working and I lay back on the bed as fear reeked havoc on me. Finn knew who Lexa was and knows what she looks like. I bit my bottom lip as another sob worked its way up, fingers clenching nothing but air as I tried to muffle the sound.

  
“Babe…Clarke. You're doing this to live. I'm getting you out.”

  
My voice came out in a raspy bite, “But Nia-”

  
“No! No Nia, no Niylah, no nothing, Clarke! I am getting you out of this if it the last thing I end up doing.” Her voice was strong and powerful. I felt myself calm down a little from the ring of it still in my ears. But fear won as it always does.

  
“Someone knows w-who you are.”


	17. This Lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ight, i'm sorry for the long ass delay in updates, holidays is all i can say. working at a hotel is no good. no fucking good during holidays. but anyways I got this part written and revised by bringthebiggergun, well....part of it. She read what I had then I added more in like the past hour. she said, and I quote, "a fucking rollercoaster of emotion." now y'all if you think otherwise, please tell me. two more chapters of this. I don't know how I feel. like really, no emotion to write at that thought haha. I hope you guys enjoyed this. lemme know. thanks again for this recognition. :)

I've never noticed how ugly Nia truly was until this very moment. Her cold light blue eyes only lighting up when the mention of new client lists and potential workers. They were straying from the school kid approach, the families causing too much of a fuss from missing kids, bringing unwanted attention to the ring. Money lost in buying the local police, more lost in buying surrounding forces. That kind of control wasn't wanted nor needed.

 

It took a lot of focus and skill to keep the current kids in school, keep up a facade of glowing school life. They basically needed mentors for us, someone grooming us for the inevitable full time job.

 

Sex work was all I was going to amount too, why have a body when you don't use every use of it? Exhaust every muscle you have until your end days. It was all you were good for when you had no life to live.

 

Nia had her hair pulled back into a tight bun, her hairline being pulled back from the force of it, making her eyes catty and alert. I felt the frown pinch my brow together, I was studying her and not subtlety either. She had noticed already.

 

Her eyes flashed to mine just as my name left her mouth.

 

_ Clarke _

 

“It wouldn't be the first time she entertained this client. She knows his desires extremely well.”

 

Her thin lips spread into a disparaging smile over wolf like teeth. I imagined her breath to reek of stale coffee and too sweet fruit. As if she were masking the scent of death that she wore like a perfume from the most prestigious maker there was.

 

I've grown to hate this woman the longer I was in her presence. It's been years since we met. Months since I've seen her. But the knot that formed in me when we were close quarters grew tighter and tighter with hate.

 

“Ena, Klark?”

 

I sniffed and looked away from her, wiping all emotion from my face as I retraced the conversation, the client I was dealing with soon was the school board president, he loved massages that turned into rough foreplay, he raised his payment in hopes of getting more out of me. They speculated he had plans to out them if he didn't get his way. They were going to play along until they caught onto his plan. I was to be bait as usual.

 

“Yes, alpha. I will do what I can to please.”

 

“No words. Just noises. These human men don't know what luxury they have with an omega. He should've been paying this much for you since the beginning.” she growled as she shuffled papers in front of her, the move dismissing the rest of us. Standing up, I looked around to which guard would escort me out but my eyes landed on Nia again, the knot tightening as I realized she was smiling wickedly at me. She winked before turning back to her work. A move which would have usually ran fear through me. But I felt…

 

Nothing.

 

=

 

I slowly closed my bedroom door and leaned my head against it, the hollow wood was cold and welcoming. All the frustration and anger I was feeling towards this whole fucked up situation was starting to get to me and it was weighing heavy.

 

Pushing off the door I dragged my feet to the stool in the middle of the room. The worn wood was inviting and warm but my feet kept moving before stopping by the bed. I was exhausted. I wanted one of those sleeps where you didn't wake up. But it wasn’t one of those where you could just lay down and forget about the world, not when the impending disaster that will be your life in the coming month looms overhead.

 

The air tasted stale as I closed my eyes and dropped my head in shame. I had so many chances to get out or tell someone what the fuck was happening with me. But I didn’t. And I don’t fully understand why I was willing to let myself get sucked further and further in.

 

It wasn’t something that others would let happen. Not for so long anyway. I couldn’t let myself think that maybe, just fucking maybe, I liked it because I didn’t. There was a large part of me that hated it and regretted letting Niylah snake her way into my life and take advantage of almost every aspect that I was connected too.

 

I hadn’t realized I was packing my clothes until a soft knock interrupted my thoughts. I cleared my throat and called the person in, dropping the lumps of clothing that were in my hands.

 

“Hey baby, I got some exciting news to share with you.” Abby’s voice was soft yet heightened with excitement. I turned on my heel and looked up at her with a soft smile, nodding to her to continue, “I was approached from one of the senior heads at John Hopkins. They want to transfer me. We get to start anew!” The light in her eyes was bright and excited, jitters ran through her hands as she started for me with her arms stretched out. I stood and smiled as best as I could, but I felt nothing for the news.

 

It was a ploy to get my mom out of state with me, I just knew it. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tightly. Her arms wrapped around my torso, her grip strong and unwavering. The hug was meant for excitement and triumph, but it quickly turned desperate and heartrending, I was clinging to my mother as if this were the time we got the news, dad didn’t make it.

 

As if it were the picture of my mother falling to her knees when the words couldn’t form and leave her lips.

 

I poured all my sadness and hurt into the hug and felt my mother reciprocate it. Tears slowly formed in my eyes as I gasped into her hair and tried to mold myself into her.

 

She whispered softly to me but the words were lost over the roaring in my ears. I tried to listen to er, to calm down and let go, but I knew the second I did let go, it was going to be a wicked snap back to reality for us. I didn’t want to lose my mom, not yet.

 

=

 

I’ve been sat staring at the already packed boxes for at least an hour now. Mom was rushing around tidying up after the movers, instructing them that they were to return bright and early the next day. She didn’t have to be at work for another month, there were interviews and other things that needed to happen for her to start work. But she wanted to get there as soon as possible and get acclimated and settled. This was just pushing the timeline Niylah had set up closer, just as she intended.

 

I had chewed my nails down to nubs, my nerves buzzing around in me as I thought of how they would break the news to my mom, if they were going to pretend I had died in some sort of accident, or if I wanted to sever ties once enrolled in college.

 

They were bringing us closer to Lexa, at least a state away rather than five away. I glanced at my phone as I remembered her home, three new notifications from Niylah. I unlocked my phone and brought up the messages.

 

_ Niylah: _ we need to talk tonight. Meet up?

_ Niylah: _  im serious clarke, please

 

_ One missed call 20 mins ago _

_ Niylah _

 

Locking my phone again, I tossed it to the side and went back to staring at the boxes.

 

It was nearly dinner and mom wanted to go out to eat. Seeing as the kitchen was the first thing to get packed up.

 

“Clarke. You have a visitor.” The icy tone that my mother had acquired once my father had died was back, for the last two days she hasn’t used it. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end as I smelled the scent waft up and into my room.

 

Niylah.

 

I stumbled to a standing position and waited as the footsteps on the stairs grew louder and closer. Fear ran up my spine as she rounded the corner and looked directly at me, exhaustion set on her face.

 

This was the first time I was seeing her since freshman year. This was the first time she has seen me since then. I couldn’t help but feel excitement at the sight of her.

 

“Niylah…”

 

A fire started in her eyes as she brushed past me and started pacing in my room. I slowly closed the door and leaned against it as I waited for her to start berating me or something. But all she did was pace and look around. Pace and look around. I kept my eyes on her but also kept a good grip on the doorknob for a quick escape. The fear that was running rampant in me was emanating throughout the room, enveloping the both of us in a suffocating blanket.

 

“This plan that has been set in motion, isn’t mine. This has Nia written all over it.” She spoke in a soft yet rough voice. “But it’s being poorly executed on your mother’s end. Whoever started this, didn’t really get your mother that position. This is all fucked up!” she sat down roughly on the end and kicked at the nearby boxes, making me jump against the door harshly.

 

“I don’t know what’s going on.”

 

Her head dropped into her hands as she started tapping her foot incessantly, “You’re getting shipped to New York while your mother goes to Maryland...maybe.” the tapping stopped as she straightened herself up. “Maybe...maybe you’re going to jail.” I looked at her so fast the edges of my vision swirled.

 

Stepping away from the door, “I am NOT going to jail, Niylah. Are you fucking crazy?! Do you want to drop me straight into their hands?! Oh wait! You already fucking are! You got me in this goddamn mess, you fucked up my life, and all you can fucking say is that I’m going to jail?!” I had strode up to her and pushed her shoulders roughly before slapping her. The sting in my right palm was as surprising as the look on her face. I never acted on my anger with her. I never let my emotions control me. She knew this, she read my reports.

 

But this stunned us both.

 

She stood slowly, gently grabbing my arms and maneuvering me onto the bed. Shock still present in us. “I said, maybe you’re going to jail. For sex work.”

 

I blanched, “And let everyone I know, know? Are you fuc-”

 

“No! No no no no no. You won’t actually go to jail. That’s what I’ll tell Niylah, I can forge documents for your intake, your trial, everything. All you have to do is talk your mom into going east coast or something. Somewhere far away from New York.”

 

It can’t be that easy, can it?

 

“No...that’s too...It can’t be that easy.”

 

“It’s not impossible. Nia doesn’t want much to do with region anymore, moving up north. Reservations are her new target. She’s stationing herself in Florida. Clarke, I can get you out of this.”

 

I stared into her eyes and saw hope rise in them. I saw her light up at the possibility of letting me go. I didn’t want to think that I would be free of this, it was too…simple. It was too tangible for us to achieve.

 

But then again. I could be free of this.

 

“How can I…”

  
“Just trust me. Once more.” She brushed some hair away from my face with her left hand, the light catching the ring on that hand perfectly. 


	18. Met You Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> second to last chapter.

It didn't take much convincing on my part to get my mom to look to California. She was tired of snow and the constant battle of paying some young kids to shovel it every so often. And the hospital she applied at was more than ecstatic to hire her on her own terms.

 

It didn't take much work from me at all. And it worried me.

 

I was sat in my bare room, safe for my bed and the night stand. I just stared at the wall and let the thoughts roll through my head, I'm leaving this place and forgetting Niylah and everyone tied with her. It didn't seem real.

 

Niylah had set up a photo shoot for me, mugshot of me dressed to the nines but looking rough as if I had a scuffle with the police. It was a simple twenty minute adventure, and probably one of the rare times I've seen her smile as of late. I couldn't tell if what I was saying was making her smile or the thought she could get me out.

 

I sniffed and shook my head, standing with strain and walking towards the door. My legs feeling as if I were treading water the closer the door got.

 

My body has been used and abused for so long now that I don't know how to properly react to the reality I was walking into. What sort of reaction should this cause from someone? Elation? Something of that caliber probably, but all I felt was worry and fear.

 

The stairs felt as they were crumbling under me, my heart leaping against my ribcage with each step. My legs shaking with exertion until the final step was under my right foot and everything stopped.

 

I stood still with bated breath as I stared at the floor with a slight frown. This was it, I was leaving my childhood home, the home Niylah had easily tainted with her presence with just one visit. The home I had my first kiss in, the home I had lost and found my mother in, and the home I had lost my father in. It was happening all too fast I felt like I was having major whiplash with every turn. I wanted to fall to the ground and plead that everyone slow down and let me catch my breath for just one goddamn minute but I couldn’t and it was hurting me. It was hurting me? The constant pressure that was on my lungs was so ever present in these moments that I couldn’t tell if it was pain or not. How long does one live with pain until they accept it as something that was a constant recurrence? Or when it’s being taken away or threatened to be taken away that it hurts more.

 

Is that happening now? Is my oppressor being taken away and I can’t handle it? Or is it the thought of freedom hurting me?

 

Stockholm syndrome is a shit of a situation.

 

=

 

My hands were clasped together on my lap as I leaned forward to look around mum. We were waiting at our gate, safely made it to the airport with no one tailing us, the taxi driver was uninterested in us and he wanted nothing more than to get us out here and be done. I looked forward as I traced back all our traveling up to this point.

 

The driver didn’t want to pass the time talking, was displeased when my mum tried to turn the conversation to him. I didn’t think much of him, the soapy scent most humans carried clogged my nose. But the thought hit me as I sat down with my mum. Am I to be wary of everyone I meet now? Is paranoia going to be by my side from now on?

 

My eyes captured every movement that happened around me, my ears picking up every sound. I tried to block everything out but it just kept getting louder and louder. I felt myself start to breathe faster, my palms going slick as anger had blood pounding in my ears now. I tried to keep my eyes on a single spot but everything moving kept grabbing at my attention just the sounds of people walking by or talking started to make my chest feel tight.

 

“It’s okay. I got you.” Warm hands grabbed mine gently, as minty breath washed over my face. My mums face came into view and she started rubbing circles into the backs of my hands. I tried to focus on her but her presence was just as off putting as the sights and sounds around me.

 

“I got you, you’re safe.”

 

The words swirled around my head not making any sense to me. I tried to stay calm, I tried to shut off my emotions, I tried. But everything was hitting me and it just had to be in a public place like the airport.

 

“We’re l-leaving.”

 

“I know, honey.”

 

“It’s ov-over.”

 

“We’re starting over, a new chapter.”

 

“I’m leaving her.”

 

This caused a slight frown on my mother’s face and that sent fear racing through my body. “Lexa said she’s visiting in a couple weeks, after we get settled and everything. Why would you leave her now?”

 

Lexa.

 

Lexa, Lexa, Lexa, Lexa.

 

The breath I took was unhindered and it was calming. Yet the fear still paralyzed me. I bowed my head and dropped my arms, releasing all the tension that had built in me. My eyes were trained on the carpet but I still felt the hesitance radiate from her.

 

A warm hand cradled my chin and gently coaxed me to look up, and with some effort I looked into my mother’s eyes and saw her pain and guilt fight each other. “I haven’t been there for you like a mother should be, I know it. And I’m so sorry for everything I haven’t done. I wasn’t a mother, I wasn’t around, I didn’t listen to you. I saw how much pain you were in after your father died, but I was too invested in my own take care of you”

 

“Clarke, I am so sorry for everything I haven’t done. All the times I left you alone at home with just some money and cold food. I’m sorry for all of that, but I just want you to know that I’m here now and I am listening and watching over you whenever possible. You can talk to me about anything! I love you so much I don’t ever want to create that rift between us again.” her hands had cupped mine as she knelt in front of me, tears no longer brimming in her eyes as they had found a route down her flushed cheeks. I felt myself hiccup as my own hot tears flowed freely from my eyes. I didn’t know what else to do other wrap my arms around the woman in front of me.

 

I wanted to accept her apology immediately, I missed her so much, but I knew time would be the healing salve that could help us. And if we didn’t try during the time ahead of us, I don’t know what would happen.

 

=

 

**-15 days later-**

 

Lexa was smiling at me on the screen, her eyes actually lighting up with the same emotion this time. I adjusted the screen as I sat forward, ready to start planning her visit in the upcoming week.

 

“I’m staying at the nearest hotel?”

 

“Are you mad? No, absolutely not.”

 

“Buuut…”

 

Somewhere off in the distance I heard a retort,  _ she wants to bone, you idiot. _

 

I laughed lightly, “Anya?”

 

The solemn nod I got from Lexa fueled my laughter and I had to turn away from the camera to wipe away tears. “Okay, well that and the nearest hotel is like a good thirty minutes away, and I have no car so. You’re stuck at the Griffin household for five glorious days!”

 

“Are we actually going to be stuck or can we like leave and do things?”

 

I straightened out and nodded a little to enthusiastically, “No, yeah we can leave. I’m just stating that-”

 

A laugh as smooth as silk filled my room, stopping me from talking instantly. “I get it babe, I’m just teasing.” She smiled a smile that had the corner of her eyes crinkle slightly. I sighed at the sight of her, I felt like this was the first time I was seeing her. A warmth spread in me as I smiled back at her.

 

She was my home.

 

The moment was ruined by a pillow flying into view and smacking Lexa square in the chest, who scowled immediately at the intruder and flew out of frame. I closed my eyes and turned away from the computer as wrestling sounded. Blows landing on someone as grunts and mocking tones took over. I decided to switch tabs and look over Lexa’s flight plan while Anya proved to be the dominant alpha out the two.

 

The next voice that entered was amused but also annoyed and belonged to Raven. “Children! I live with children!” laughter ensued and Lexa was calling my name.

 

Switching back to Skype quickly, I saw that the computer had been turned around and her room was illuminated and her, Raven, and Anya were standing in front of it, smiling and waving at me.

 

“Hey guys! Beat my mate into submission?” Lexa groaned and sulked out of view, while Anya smirked and wrapped an arm around a very pregnant Raven. “Whoa, Rae...I don’t know how to say this but uh...you’re never supposed to eat the seeds of a watermelon?” Trying to be serious, but alas, I broke my mask and laughed wholeheartedly at her expression of  _ ‘seriously, clarke?’ _

 

“Aw, I miss you guys. I’m sorry I moved farther away from you.”

 

“Whatever, your pale ass wanted and needed some vitamin D.”

 

“And by some, we mean a lot.” Raven interjected, fist bumping Anya. Rolling my eyes, I looked away from them and looked around for Lexa.

 

“Your stud went to the bathroom.”

 

Moving some hair behind my ear, I mouthed ‘o’ and went back to smiling at them. “So! Who’s excited for me to come visit in a month or so?”

 

The conversation lulled to small talk while Lexa was doing her business, it bounced from speaking about me and my activities in Cali, to Anya finally knocking up Raven after several failed attempts. I gazed at them interacting with one another and an overwhelming sadness came over me as they were so in love in front of me.

 

I missed that.

 

Moving further away from Lexa was terrible. She wanted to transfer to a college here but I said DC was her college goal, and she got in with a full scholarship. So maybe this was all my fault.

 

Lexa came back and shoved the two mates out of the way and sent them scurrying out of the room. She settled down back in her spot and adjusted the computer. Then we sat in silence for a little, just staring at one another.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“I’ll be the one running at you.”

 

Her smile turned soft and her eyes wondered down the screen, I wanted to know what she was thinking but was stuck to just watching her as the thoughts and emotions crossed her face in a flurry.

 

“To live, right?” Her voice was bolder now, the commander peeking through just enough to get my attention. The words sunk in as I stared at her half smile on the screen, I’m doing this to live. To live with her, with love, real love. An ache raced across my chest as I thought back to Niylah. Was that love she had given me or was it just something she did to attract me?

 

“Clarke…”

 

My gaze had fallen to my keyboard and I looked up immediately at her call, flashing a smile at her as I rolled my shoulders back and cleared my throat of any emotion other than love and happiness for this woman in front of me. I wasn’t going to disappear yet.

  
“To live.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk where to start with this notes section. I've kind of been dreading writing/posting this fic. It takes a lot out of me to write this and I'm simultaneously excited and sad that it's over. I've had the final chapter written up for months, changing it to try and fit with the chapters I was writing. If it seems like theres a lot of inconsistencies and holes and all kinds of missing stuff. There is. I don't reread things properly. I dont reread previous parts when I'm writing the next one and it's just....a mess. I might go back and edit a lot of things or reupload this and have a huge editing session of it. Idk tho. really, just want your opinions and views. Are you kinna glad this is over? or almost. idk how i feel. i'm scared. i'm sad. i'm anxious. i'm glad. and I just wanna scream really.
> 
> anyways, thanks for all the reads and kudos. I might be going to clexacon, updates on that to appear on my tumblr, totesacceptable.tumblr.com 
> 
> thank you.


	19. Written In The Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FINAL CHAPTER!!!

_ The next day… _

 

The orange cast from the setting sun blurred my vision as I rolled onto my back, the subtle throbbing in my head presided over all my senses as I started coming too. I felt a groan escape me as I tried to sit up, pain shooting down my body from a tender spot on the back of my head.

 

“You’re awake. Just in time too, I had just asked Jase here to go fetch some cold water. Get up.” My heart fluttered at the person speaking, it was someone I thought I would never see again. Tears sprung to my eyes as I heard their words repeat over in my head ‘ _ Get up.’ _ my fluttering heart jumped into my throat, making shudders vibrate my chest as I slowly sat up; fully ignoring the pain that protested every movement, just as she taught me to do all those years ago.

 

“Good girl,” I heard the smile in her voice before actually seeing it, “Now, Clarke, baby. We have a problem with you. We just can’t seem to let you go, it’s not that you are worth something, dime a dozen people like you. But you know too much. Way too much for our liking.” I sat cross legged, my right knee protesting profusely. I stared at her feet, ignoring my surroundings, her teachings coming back tenfold and almost like second nature.

 

The fear I felt coursing through my body was horrendous, I was sure that they could smell it. My anxiety had my jaws watering, making me constantly swallow down the bile that came up. Footsteps sounded behind me as I sat straighter, a warning growl stopped my breathing, all the Alpha pheromones around me were flooding my senses and making me weak.

 

I heard cursing, someone struggling against someone else. I kept my eyes on her feet as she stepped closer to me. The quiet gasp of my name broke my trance and I looked to my left and saw her.

 

“Lexa!” I tried to stand but was shoved back down by the alpha behind me as something cold bumped into my right temple.  _ Gun _ . I swallowed lightly and let myself get pressed further down by the barrel. I reached out to her, getting hit lightly in the back from him. The last time I saw her was on skype, she was getting ready to leave for the airport. To come see me.

 

“Don’t move, I don’t want to hurt you.” His gruff voice stopped my shivering for a brief second, Wick. I glanced back at Lexa and saw her on the ground.

 

“Clarke! I’m okay! Just… don’t move…” I saw and heard the fear in her voice and eyes, she kept glancing between me and whatever was pressed to the side of my head. I smelled the gunpowder, felt the barrel pressed to my hair tentatively, and felt his resistance as he kept me down.

 

A sigh met my ears as cold fingers gently gripped my jaw and turned my head to them. I immediately looked down and locked my jaw. Her sweet breath washed over me and a cold chill snuck up my back. I felt the need to submit to her right away, but that passed the second she chuckled lowly.

 

“You remember. You still fear me,” the laugh that sounded next had me flinching away from her. “You see, Clarke, we know you told this charming woman over there all about your past. Except,” a long elegant finger scratched my chin lightly, forcing eye contact, “you painted us as the bad guys. I’m sure she would love to know that all it took was a quick orgasm and some love bites to get you to work.”

 

The dark blue eyes bored into mine, feigning humor. Malice lurked behind the fake emotions, making me shiver with fear.

 

I saw movement to my left just as a loud thud happened, I quickly looked and saw Lexa was now face down in the dirt with a large man’s foot on her back.

 

Yanking my chin away from her grip, “Don’t hurt her!” my voice scared me, the fear in it made it shaky, I ended up shrinking back into a pair legs behind me but kept my eyes glued to the scene.

 

“I’m fine, Clarke! Be-” the man swiped the butt of his rifle against her head. He was now kneeling on top of her, his hand gripping her long braided hair as he forced her head up before slamming her face back into the ground. Fear and anger mixed in me as I was forced to stay still. The guard tensing behind me, ready to stop me the second I made a move. And her, Niylah, in front me with a shit eating grin on her lips.

 

Worry finally was added to my mixed emotions and I couldn’t stop myself as I wailed in Niylah’s face. “Don’t! Please! Niylah, I’m sorry I didn’t know what else to DO! STOP HURTING HER!” My eyes never left Lexa’s body, the man kept roughing her up making her grunt in pain.

 

Cold fingers gripped my chin and jerked my head forward. “Look Clarke, you have a choice. It’s okay, love, stop crying. If you agree to it, she’ll be with you and safe. From harm. From pain. You just need to leave with us.” Tears streamed down my face, hot and prickly down my cold cheeks. I tried to look away from her but her gaze penetrated mine, making me submit fully.

 

“Ontari, bring the car round. I do believe we have a couple of takers.” She stood and brushed off her pant legs with a smirk. I dropped my head, guilt and disgust covering me.

 

I felt the man behind me loosen his grip on his gun, dropping it to his side. I looked at Lexa, seeing her huff as they forced her to her knees as Niylah walked over to her for examination. “She’s pretty, wait until the injuries heal and do a little cosmetic surgery around the eyes, and I think we’ll have a top seller.”

 

The words rung in my ears, they were planning on selling her. Just like me.

 

I threw my elbow back into the man behind me, dropping him to his knees with a blow to the groin area. I grabbed his gun and somersaulted to my right more. Stumbling to a wobbly stance on one knee, I aimed the gun at Niylah, applying just enough pressure to the trigger for it to go off the second I was shot. I glared at her down the barrel, her smirk still in place.

 

“Would you really shoot me? Your Alpha?” I felt my resolve waver as I kept eye contact with her.

 

I started hyperventilating as I slowly dropped the aim. Niylah chuckled deeply, getting the guards to laugh with her as well. “My little Omega is still the same. Her love runs deep for me.”

 

I caught Lexa’s gaze, new tears flowing down my face. “I love you and I’m sorry.” her brow furrowed as I said the words, confusion slid down her face as I aimed the gun at her. Everything went quiet around us.

 

I felt myself shaking as I stared down the barrel at her face, the face that brought happiness and love back into my life. The face that squinted when something spontaneous happened. The face that gave me encouragement every time I wanted to do something out of my comfort zone.

 

I started screaming when I felt myself freeze looking at her. The gun shook, its weight getting to be too much for me the longer I held it. I shifted positions and heard gasps all around me.

 

Squeezing my eyes shut, I let out a final scream, clenching my fingers all together.

 

The light that happened was blinding.

 

=

 

_ Her hand gripped mine as she led me into the garage. The ride up to her parents was long and quiet. She was angry yet she didn't act on it with me, just simple answers and subtle cues to stop talking. This was the first time Niylah has acted this way with me. Quiet and mysterious. This was the first time I've been alone with her. _

 

_ Her grip tightened when voices grew louder the longer we walked. She took me down a short hallway, light being produced behind the door. She stopped suddenly, making me bump into her. _

 

_ “Don't hate me.” _

 

_ Her voice was soft and small making it sound nothing like her. I couldn't respond. My senses telling me to run, to break away from her and just run down the road screaming for help. But my heart told me that this was Niylah, she would never hurt us. _

 

_ I squeezed her hand gently before pressing a light kiss to her shoulder. I wasn't going to run. Not from my love. _

 

_ Walking the short distance to the door she pulled it open and I was stunned into silence. _

 

Blood bloomed across Niylah’s chest as the ringing in my ears slowly faded. Nobody moved immediately. Their eyes stuck on the dying figure of Niylah. She pressed her hands to her chest as she looked at me.

 

“You did it.”

 

_ I squinted into the room as Niylah brought us further into it. A group of people sat around a table, talking quietly amongst themselves, Niylah going rigid as someone clapped twice and everything went silent. I looked around and noticed large men standing guard around the room, the door had shut quietly behind us but I felt the presence of the alpha behind me, his heat hitting my body in aggressive waves as he stepped closer to us. I reached out for Niylah but my hands found nothing, I went from looking over my shoulder at the large alpha male to seeing piercing blue eyes staring right at me. _

 

_ These weren’t the blue eyes that I was used too, no, they would soon consume my dreams and turn them into nightmares that I would become accustomed too. Nia. _

 

_ “Little, little Omega. My my, what a treat you are,” She took a deep breath, “You smell…simply ravishing.” Her voice had lowered and the growl that lay in the undertones raised goosebumps on my arms as I looked around at everyone staring at me. _

 

_ Niylah was glaring at me, her eyes the heaviest on my skin. I turned towards her and slowly reached out. “Niy…” _

 

_ The screech of a chair being forced back stopped me from running to her, I looked to the sound and saw the steely eyed woman standing with her arms outstretched, “Quick work this alpha did to get you here. With omegas, I personally like to bring them in, solidifies the...dominance I have with them.” She walked towards me with a vicious smile on her face. “I’m personally going to take you to my boss, he’ll...bring you in on all the details. But little Omega, I am the one you answer too. Got it?” _

 

She fell to her knees in a clumsy manner, the blood dying her shirt a dark red. Everyone converged on me, forgetting Lexa in the madness. More shots rang out, the sound deafening my ears once again. Bodies fell as the bullets hit them, scattering them about before Niylah and myself.

 

I had dropped the gun I had and had covered my ears and head from any trauma coming my way. But nothing hit me. No one got close enough too.

 

A large hand gripped my shoulder as words were shouted into my ear, “-grab Lexa and run! There's more guards coming!” It was Wick.

 

“CLARKE! Get your ass going!” he shoved me forward, making me catch myself and having the gravel press painfully into my palms.

 

Niylah was sitting now. One hand pressed to her chest and the other propping herself up. How is she not dead? I stumbled my way towards Lexa but kept an eye on her. Lexa was curled into a ball from all the commotion, frozen in place with her hands covering her head.

 

_ I stared up at the woman as fear raced through me, I didn’t know what the hell was going on but I sensed all kinds of danger around me. Red flags waving incessantly in my head every time I looked around. Niylah was just....staring at me as I started panicking. _

 

_ “You’re mine now.” _

 

_ My feet were moving faster than my mind, and a dark hallway enveloped me. Swifter footsteps chasing after me that could only belong to Niylah. _

 

“Lexa. Lexa come on we gotta go.” I grabbed her arms and gently pulled. She jumped back from me, eyes wild with fear before focusing on me and pulling me up to stand with her. I looked back at Wick, seeing him shoot a barrage of bullets at the incoming forces before falling to his knees with the returned fire. I shoved Lexa into the opposite direction and kept pushing her into a run. Tendrils of cold raced up and down my back as the shouts of the guards grew louder and angrier, yelling about me escaping, about Niylah, about Wick.

 

About Nia.

 

I looked forward and saw Lexa at least a meter in front of me holding her hand out for me. Pushing myself to run faster, I caught up to her in a few strides just before we hit the tree line.

 

I didn't know where we were, where we running too, or why Wick let me get away. I didn't know anything except the day before I was planning on flying to see Lexa at her college. Planning on getting married to this woman. I thought I was finally out of this goddamn ring.

 

Her hand grabbed mine and I felt at ease a little, as much as one can feel at ease when running from guns and angry men. She pulled me up to her side and looked at me. Air escaped me at the look in her eye and all the doubt that had lived in me since the day Niylah destroyed my innocence and life; died.

 

We hit the trees and were forced to pay attention to where we were running.

 

She exhaled loudly before letting go of my hand to duck under a low hanging branch. The second she grabbed my hand again she tossed me a smile, “To live?”

 

Tears pricked my eyes and I smiled my best back at her, “To live.”

  
  
  


_ When it’s said and done, the lines before you blur as your lives ripple _

_ When hope finds a home in you, in them _

_ Your past will be set in stone, and your future in water. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohmygawd so I don't know how to thank all of you for taking a chance on this fic and giving me all these reads and kudos!! Some comments made my day/week/month some of the times, and others made me question if this was the right thing to write.
> 
> It's a particularly sensitive subject, one that light hardly touches, but it's one that defines my past. It gives me a reason to fight everyday. I'm not here to be an advocate for it, I'm not here to bring attention to it, I'm most definitely not here to help anyone understand this better or bring awareness to it, fuck I can barely say the words sometimes. I just needed to get this out of my head so I don't feel so goddamn crazy all the time. And I'm extremely sorry it had to be with this pairing because Clexa deserves better.
> 
> But again, I cannot thank you lot enough for all of this. seriously, this was a response I was not expecting. 20,000+ reads? jfc i am emotional. thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> This started from a dream I had a month or so ago, it scared me so much that the only way I could sleep and what not was to write it, naturally. Kudos and comments would be nice, I'll upload what I have ready to show y'all whats to come. Like legit, be overly critical of this. And if anyone wants to beta it that'll be cool too.
> 
> Enjoy!


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